My identity, his grace - He made me and I am his part 1

It has taken me  all this time to understand the reading of the book about KK, the picture of me looking like her in the spirit. At least 30 years, maybe a little more. But today I got the message form a lady called Michele Perry.
I am standing in the grace and mantel of her life, but I do not have to be like her, not that I ever was, I wanted to be what I was created to be, always.
My identity is in heaven, it is in Jesus and in the heart of God, I did not want to be known as the big ministry, I wanted to be show Jesus be allowed to show Jesus in me, to be accepted and loved, not to be changed into what people wanted me to be.

This is my heart for the land to sing to the land and speak to the nations, to be all I was created to be and bring heaven to earth. This was always on my heart and it has never changed.

I want to fulfil my commission given to me at Wild Welsh Women Feb 2015, to sing to the land and speak to the nation  at Wild Welsh Women 2016.
I want to be who you called me to be, and stand up for heaven, not for me to be seen but for you Jesus to be seen in me.
To walk the ancient path you have given me to walk, but be me and be what you have called  me to be.

leaving the loneliness and a desire for friendship

I walk this world and I know I am not alone in terms of a connection to heaven and the Host of Heaven and also with my Saviour & friend Jesus. But I feel the physical loneliness and lack of companionship. I love Mum and I am glad I live with her, even though I am old enough to live on my own, but would struggle to do so with Asperger Syndrome, and the specific ways it affects me.
Mostly I am happy with my own company, and sometimes I find it hard, to deal with Mum as she gets older. I feel a greater loneliness because I have things wrong with me, that of themselves individually would not be that great an issue, but pile them all together, as I am having to deal with now.
Aspergers meant that I was always feeling anxious at just dealing with life, and has nothing to do with all the other things that have gone on in my life.
I realise that I have some responsibility with type 2 diabetes, regarding exercise and diet, but I was always limited in the amount and duration of exercise, because of osteocondritis in both knees. If I did the kind of exercise I would have needed to do to manage my weight, my knees were painful for maybe, days and sometimes weeks after.
This is not to say I was not active, because I was right through my childhood and teens. On so many levels I felt judged by people, who told me I needed to exercise, like as if I was stupid and did not already know that, but no one ever told my how to do that, when any exercise caused pain. For most of my life, in allot of areas of my life, my experience was of feeling in a catch 22. Not of my choosing or making.
Who would want to inflict pain on themselves, that interfered with already difficult sleep patterns, which I still find difficult even now aged 48. I am fortunate now that I can take glucosamine which means that my knees are allot better, day to day than they were when I was young but I still have to be careful about how and when I do exercise of any kind.
I also don't choose to be broken, to let my life be ruled by what is wrong with me, but the physical practicalities of living with a high red blood cell count and having to have blood taken every three months, and having to take medication for type 2 diabetes.
I just feel alone and uncared for, everyone is bothered about their own lives and doing their own thing and I am left to do my own thing, which in general terms is OK, but my feeling is that I am not important to anyone  other than Mum and what happens when she is not around any more.
I just want one friend whom I can talk to who is flesh and blood, but perhaps in this new era that is too much to ask.