Hopes and dreams

As a young person aged 13 I had dreams and hopes for the future. I achieved one of my dreams by going to University. But as I have written in earlier entries I found some of my future dreams disappear with the diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome in May 2005.

I coped with that because I had to, as it is something I had from birth I had had it all my life. But because of this in 2006, I was recommended by the JOB Centre to go on benefit, because they themselves could not find a job for me, and I had tried really hard to find a job that did not end because I could not cope with the demands they made, which I  was unable to meet.

The last 7 years have been a little easier, without the often unbearable stress of work, and money was a little easier. But along with many people in my position, and others with more difficult lives than me. I am beginning to feel the strain and nothing has happened, only the cost of living going up ridiculously.
A boots basket I used to get for £30-00, is now £70-00 or £80-00.

My knowledge of Jesus and his love for me is the thing that stops me going over the edge. But I am feeling the loneliness already of what may come in the future, mainly because I don't know anyone who is a close flesh and blood person.
I have been reluctant to pursue this in my life, because I felt that people were never content to know me for me as I am, they suggested healing. People around me who I love dearly talked about healing. As an older teenager I spent many hours praying for healing of what was wrong with me, when I was aware enough to feel capable of prayer, so when people, suggested healing I was somewhat feeling the pain of feeling I was not good enough as I was. Also the fact that people still don't make an effort to approach me makes me feel I am not good enough.

I still find it really hard to walk up to people I don't know, and it has got harder since I was ill in 2004.
My experience of 2012 so far has not been a wholly good one, and I feel the loneliness, because I have been ill with a nasty flu, which has laid me low.

My Hopes and dreams were travel, ministry changing things but changing my own circumstances is not in my control, it is in the hands of Papa God. The money I have is his money, everything I have is his and he is in control, so whatever happens, happens as I walk with him, but I still feel a Little scared.

Is this my destiny? part 4

Dreams are in my heart for a whole world. Whole as in not disfunctional.
Not what I see as a better world or think would be better, but what Jesus sees what God sees
The dreams in my heart are for a world where people have a nice environment to live.

People & children in the poorest places around the world are struggling to live, working on refuse tips in danger, making bricks to make ends meet or more likely just to survive.

All the money in the world will not change these situations. It is hope, compassion and love that will change this world.
A Radical LOVE, displayed on a wooden cross that changed my life forever.
As I look back I know that whatever I have had to go through has made me who I am today.

I love Jesus with all my heart and I love the people he died for

Clean hearts, full of love are what will change this world. Raising money helps but it is not the answer to all the difficulties faced by  this planet that we live on.

True Justice, True love & True forgiveness are the only things that will change  this world for the better.

Rescued from the filth and Ashes
Rescued from the filth and Ashes
Rescued by the light
Rescued by the love
Rescued by heaven above.

Time for the Justice of Heaven
NOT A GOD WITH A BIG STICK
TIME  for the justice of love
Won by the hand of Angels

Time for the RESCUE OF EARTH
RESCUING THE WORLD FOR NEW BIRTH
TIME FOR JUSTICE & LOVE
TIME FOR A NEW WORLD

TIME FOR THE HEART OF HEAVEN
TO BE SHOWN IN ALL ITS GLORY
TIME FOR THE FRIENDS OF JESUS
TO DAMPEN DOWN THE FURY
TIME TO SEE HIS CHILDREN
WALK AS HE WALKS
TIME, TIME, TIME, TIME TO LOVE
by KRT 25th 03 2012

Is this my destiny? part 3

I have just been on the Joan Hunter Ministries website and there was a comment that the average person achieves thier ministry calling in thier 50th year. As a woman in my 46th year (2012) I  have hope about things changing for me.

I believe that they have already changed for me, I will become on earth as I am in heaven. I am seeing that the date I was born means that in the year of the setting of the foundations of the Gorvenment of God both numbers multiplied  4x4=12, 2x6=12.  This is the year of my double portion in everything.

As I am in heaven, so shall I be on earth. The kingdom of heaven is being drawn to earth and things are going to change, for the better even though on the ground it may seem anything but.

I know the Angels are on assignment and are doing what people are asking them to do, especially those who know how to work with them.

What we have known in the past, will not be what we know in the future.
I want to touch Jesus heart and by his love flowing and working through me, change the world he loves so deeply, giving out the best as an alternative to the worst that human beings can do.
Turning those who are persuaded to do evil and cause pain into people transformed by the love of Jesus.

Is this my destiny? part 2

I went up the Cynon Valley yesterday (22nd March 2012) and I looked up to the farm where we lived as a family until 1990. I spent many hours praying for Wales, north,south,east and west. During those days a deep love was born in me for the land, I held dreams and visions in my heart placed there by Papa God.
I prayed for the best for Wales, words that touched the deepest part of me, drawing tears over the sad and the glad of Wales.
My life has not turned out as I expected all those years ago, but I am humbled by the things I have seen and experienced personally over the last 2 to 3 years. I am not just me, I am me with Jesus in me, what does that mean in regard to my destiny, well it is not about me as I am here, flesh and blood, it is about me as I am in the realm of the Spirit (heaven).
The truth is I never desired notariety or fame, I just desired to do Papa's will, my destiny is the one he put inside me, the desires of my heart have always been to be as he wants me to be, so if what I am doing now is what it is going to be for the rest of my life then so be it. I know there are adventures ahead and I will see interesting things as I choose to go lower and deeper into him. I have been lower for most of my life, being bullied, mistreated by teachers. I felt the joy of recognition, because I had spent most of my life feeling second class and worthless, the journey to feeling worth something has been a long one, with seeds planted in the 1980s, as I poured out my heart to heaven for the land of Wales, with Jesus holding my hand.
My Christian life then was no effort I did as felt was right and lived with heaven closely then, but moving to Newport changed that. I forgot how to live effortlessly with him and I still feel sad about what I lost when we had to move from the Farm because my earthly dad had severe chronic illness.
I drunk from the river effortlessly then, I need to learn this again.
Help me to find a deeper place with you Jesus, a place of unending love, a place of unending joy.

Is this my destiny? part 1

For the last 6 to 8 months I have struggled with  teaching that tells me yet again that the vision in my heart is not compatible with what is happening spiritually in the land.
My understanding of this teaching may be wrong and I may have got the wrong end of the stick, but I struggle with the idea that a supernatural happening in my life years ago and confirmed by others could be wrong.

I am humbled by the beauty of what Jesus has done in my life, but I feel the isolation from true community. I go to these gatherings COBH,and I take part but I am alone, stranded by people's lack of understanding and as it sometimes feels people's lack of interest in me, and the feeling that I would only be able to fully interact if  I got "healed" of Aspergers Syndrome. If God wants to do a work with me as I am with A.S, as he has told me, he wishes to do.

Then things need to change, people don't know about my disability and they treat me as "normal".
I need other people but don't feel capable of doing that. Should my ability to carry out my calling be hampered by the lack of knowlege.