51,autism and the future part 2

I spent 25 years of my life alternating between jobs I could not maintain as well as unemployment, and could not understand why I struggled to cope when Jobs got too much.
The question I mentioned in the previous post, was asked genuinely, even kindly in its way, but it is the same question asked, the answer ignored, which required that I know what I was up against.
The silly suggestions from professionals oblivious to the obvious difficulties I presented, at least obvious to me, the also obvious dismissal of my case because " They saw me as awkward, uncooperative, resistant to authority"

The times when I made suggestions were few and far between because, eventually I lost trust and the ability to cooperate, because they would say so much or so many things that I lost them before they had hardly started.

I could have done with having a diagnosis maybe 15 or 20 years earlier, but I am glad I had the diagnosis in the end.

The short answer is a resounding YES, the longer answer would be the size of a book, maybe even 2 or 3 books full of everything I have experienced both good and the not so good, or the downright bad.

I was never being truly awkward, my lack of cooperation was a lack of understanding or confusion because I missed words or context or expectation of those addressing me, also I was never truly resistant to authority, unless I was confused, did not understand context or expectation. This happened often and was tiring, upsetting and highly stressful, mainly as I was viewed as "normal" a word I only use with an explaination now.

Who can see inside someone know what is going on. Noone can even less those of us with Autism, and yet people look at me and what they see does not match autism, but I know I do match autism not in an extreme way like some with autism, but I avoid supermarkets, during noisy times. I have never been to the first week of the january sales in my life, my idea of a nightmare. I have not been away on a holiday since 2001, because the stress of coping with such a thing became more than I could cope with.

51, autism and the future

Autism has been my companion all my life, even when I did not know it or understand it. Sometimes I  did not like it, sometimes I hated the way it made me feel. I did not understand that it was those around me that made me feel these things. I knew that life was easier when I did not need to try and integrate into the norms of of social expectations, and yet there were times when it was sad and a little depressing that I found making and keeping friends so hard.

Someone once asked me if having a diagnosis of autism helped, unfortunetly I was so surprised and caught off guard, and also in a large group of people, that I did not give a very full or clear answer.
But a few years along the way from that experience, I have an answer to that question.
I needed to know because if I had not found out, my life would not have been worth living, as it was, even with Jesus in my life, the quality of my existence was deminishing very rapidly at that point.

I was still in recovery from illness, after pancreatitis due to gall stones and an operation to sort that out. I returned to the job I had been doing, but could not cope as I did not feel fully recovered and the job had changed in the period I was away. My behavouir during this period was dangerous with me taking flight on several ocassions . Symptoms  I now realise are related to P.T.S.D, from long term exposure to ongoing trauma. A fact I only became aware of in 2016. The journey of discovery of who  I am and have life has affected me, is still ongoing.

I have certain level of freedom from talking to someone, but there is still work to be done.
I needed to know so that I could learn to live, so I could have the very basic expectations that most other people expect as thier right, but are not freely available or totally accessible.