Love stands strong in the heart of God

Love stands strong in the heart of God 

Tears unleashed by a broken world

Love stands strong in the heart of God

Gentle hands to tend the hurt

Love stands strong for all humanity

The voice of a saviour who broke our vanity

Love stands strong with my Father God

His love for me causes my  love for the world.

Love stands strong in my day to day

The mundane becomes extraordinary

When Heaven comes my way.

Love stands strong as I learn to love my Jesus

The relationship gets stronger

I as my passion for him increases.

Love stands strong, where the mess of life is seen

That as humanity we endeavour

To walk with the unseen.

Love stands strong, as the burning heart of God

The tenderness and the passion of  His love

The true reality of Heaven

As servants in the flame of His  heart.

 By Karen R. Thompson

In this world, not of it

In this world, not of it

Brother's and sister's in Jesus

Love for the world

Not always shown well.

Some pain of the past imparted

But love is the Key

Generosity of heart

The love Jesus gave when He died for me

In this world, but not of it

God's Goodness as He always is,

But the brokenness and anger

of those who don't love him.

With pain he has to allow restitution.

In this world, but not of it 

We stand at heaven's call

This is time for His glory to shine

This time when all that against him

Will be shaken and will fall.

In this world, but not of it

Live continues to roll 

The speed of the new approaching

The Ekklisia will grow.

By Karen Thompson

Giving my heart to heaven

Giving my heart to heaven

Giving my heart to Him

Giving my all to Jesus

Blessings received from Him.

Giving what I have 

My gifts whatever they are

The love that Jesus gave me 

The love that makes my heart soar

Giving my heart to heaven

The passion grows in my core

The flame of the fire of Enoch

The cloud rider in my soul.

Giving my heart to heaven

Giving my heart in love

The battle has been difficult

As my humanity causes a wall

Giving my heart to heaven

Giving my heart to him

The depth of my endurance,

Can only be helped by Him.

Giving my heart to Jesus

The author of my Faith

The one who wins my heart

The one I truly embrace. 

By Karen R. Thompson

Loving Jesus, Loving those around me

Things are changing

Things are changing everyday

People flooding the euro way

Choices made to get a new life

The Battle to live without unending strife.

Things are changing  everyday

Walking the ekklisia way

Bringing heaven and earth together

The Hope and Joy of loving one another.

Things are changing everyday

Battles rage in every way

Peace the goal of every man

Struggling to find that shore.

Things are changing everyday

Lives broken by everyday

Jesus broken for each man

Every woman held in his palm.

Things are changing everyday

Children dieing or being killed

Loosing so many whose scrolls are yet to be fulfilled 

Things need to change in our western mindset

We look for success as our fulfilment.

By Karen Thompson                  

Love, Joy, Peace unlimited with him

Love, Joy, Peace  with him where I am.

Living with Him everyday is my goal

The place where he is on display

Love, Joy, Peace

The evidence that I decrease

Living with him that he increases.

Living with him everyday is my goal

Chasing the enemy of my soul

Making time to find my way to the person

Who chases away.

Love joy peace making way for him

Feeling the life flowing from within.

Ancient paths, Holy ways

Heart that beats

For eternal swathes

Song of the earth

Growing and changing

Seeds sown by the ancient of days

Song of the voice that flows from heaven

Earth dominions, other dimensions

Finding the path to the heart of this time

A new era, a new mountain  to climb

destiny to walk the ancient paths

Destiny in the heart of God.

Love for those around me and feeling lonely

As a person on the Autism Spectrum, I have had friends, but those friendships ended in difficult ways mostly. All of them before I the autism diagnosis. The ongoing problem is I find it difficult to start new friendships that go anywhere because I fear the pain of  Breakup or loss. I also find that people don't make the effort to be a friend, unless they can see past what autism is in my life and there are people who can do this and see my gifting in some areas, but day to day, I am left alone with Mum and one year melds into another, having been to meetings to do with issues around autism, gatherings with family, gatherings in homes for teaching with other people who love Jesus, but these are infrequent and large parts of life are lonely.

Since 2004 when I had pancreatits due to gallstones( This was a traumatic time in my life), which is 2 years before we met all the people we now relate to now. They did not know me before 2004, and I am still feeling the effects of that time in some areas of my life.
I am not really bothered about what people think of me anymore, because I am just as much a part of the kingdom of heaven as anyone else is, but I do feel abandoned sometimes.
I know the HofH are around me, but I have to learn how to interact in new ways.

I truly love those people around me, that is why I make cards for people on their birthdays, and try my hardest to be the best I can at gatherings. The effort it takes to attend, the big gatherings/conferences is not obvious to anyone looking on, but I do find them tiring, because I have to deal with the unknown and people who do not know me or what I am dealing with personally. This has been the more so, since diagnosis of type 2 diabetes and a blood disease where I make too many red blood cells and have to have blood taken every 3 months, so I have to visit the hospital every 3 months, which I absolutely hate.
This is why I feel alone and not cared for, and this is not helped by the fact that, alot of the people whom I relate also have ongoing health problems or family who have, so it would be difficult to give me their time  for that reason.
I want to show my love and care to those around me, but knowing how to do this appropriately can be the crux of the problem, so rather than do or say the wrong thing, I do or say nothing and that is hard, because that is  a kind of ongoing suffering that no human being seems to recognise or understand. It is also difficult to explain. So I remain in my relationship with Jesus and I walk the paths with him,knowing that that suffering is doing something in me but it is not nice.

Love for Jesus, grows me into him and love for the world around me

Finding my position in all of this, next to Jesus walking the path with him. His love has changed me in some ways, I recognise and some I don't. The stress of change, not knowing what is to happen to the world, is hard. I know it is not my problem to deal with on my own, but I want to work with heaven, work with Papa God, to see something change for the better, because he loves me and died for me.
I feel the land and its heartbeat, I feel the way the Spirit is moving and I don't see it in terms of future generations. I see as now we need to do something, we can say it is this or it is that, but it is what Papa wants which matters. As my love changes gradually and I grow into him, love for the people who suffer grows, because I know what suffering is, I remember what suffering is, and I still suffer the attitudes of other people who do not accept where I am coming from.
Not the people around me now so much now , but people who I relate to at a distance, don't really know me.
Love is as much about them, as it is about those who are kind to me, I care them and about the suffering in the world and I care about, the place I live in and as love grows in me, so it enlarges the way I see the world and what is going on in it.
Things have got to change radically to see things change and I believe that this is what we have to position ourselves for, this is the alignment of Love, the alignment of hope, the alignment of Justice and the alignment of justification by heaven.
Suffering is part of this world, but if we come in the opposite of war, which is what Germany is doing, then, the fear of what happens to countries in the future is not wholly our responsibility, while we need to be wise, we should not allow this to govern at the expense of compassion.
God is the one who has control, and we need to work with him, we have to give of ourselves to those in need, regardless of what they may do to us, although stewardship of where we live is part of this. The focus on what it will do or not do for us, is probably part of where we have a problem in the west. 

My Identity, His Grace - living in the present part 5

For large portions of my life, I struggled to live in the present and enjoy it, because life was hard to live, when I did not know why I was bullied, why I found school and learning so difficult. Years later when I went to F.E. college I was able to live in the moment and enjoy the time I spent there. The same was true for  going to University at Caerleon, near my Home, I was able to live in the present and focus on the here and now. In the years since college 18 years ago I have had periods where I have found it hard to live in the moment sometimes, because I have a high IQ and I tend to feel I am not using it. This can change how I feel about myself  and my identity. Holding down a job has been an issue for me, because of having Aspergers, Finding peace takes real effort, and living with the anxiety of everyday living, this has something to do with trust of other people, and nothing to do with my faith in Jesus to look after me, actually I think I would not go to big conferences or stand up to speak at meetings, without the trust I have in Jesus.
I trust Jesus to the utmost in my life, but the anxiety that is experienced by me, is not like the anxiety of depression, it is more to do with the fact that whatever helps other people cope with stress or difficulties, is missing in me, I would just be able to cope, mostly day to day, if the demand to achieve was at a level I could manage, but ask me to do more and I would loose my ability to function and I would panic, the result being flight from the source of  the need to achieve.
This was nothing to do with being lazy or not wanting to work, I just cannot do more than I am capable of, even with intelligence, which has nothing to do with it.
I think that my difficulty in living in the moment, unless I actively choose that in my mind, is why I have problems. Working life stretches out in front of me and made me panic, and the working day a smaller chunk of time,which  I could cope with, then became bigger, because I had to achieve more and it became part of the bigger chunk of my working life which made things harder and caused the panic. When I could achieve a day's work and it was manageable that was OK, but if I could not finish the work for that day, I would have to roll it over, and I could not cope with that.
My identity rests in Jesus regardless of whether I have autism or not, and my ability to have a  traditional 9 to 5 job, is not part of my identity. But I work campaigning for autism and I do creative projects that take time and effort.
I am not lazy I just have a different identity to the majority, and I hope that things will change, but for now I am living in the moment.  

My identity,His grace - growing into him part 4

My walk with Jesus from day one was always about him, and not me, although I found difficulty in expressing this many times over the years. I never wanted the Big Ministry, because I knew in the deepest place that this was not what it was about, also I had trouble putting this across.
I was needy and vulnerable, but I always wanted what God wanted in my life, and it pained me when people said things which indicated I was looking for something more. I have always had parts of my life where I was disabled, but because of intelligence and other things, that research has found out about us girls on the autism spectrum. We, not surprisingly, don't act the same as boys on the spectrum. So the result of my education was someone who struggled to please, felt uncared for, but melded into the back ground. Perhaps more so after giving my heart to Jesus.
Looking back at the tough times, I can see the grace that held me so gently, even when I did not recognise it.
2015 has been a difficult year, because of health and the ongoing process of deciding whether to go ahead with Chemo tablets for the blood problem I have.
But I have had the best experience of love from Papa God, this year, I feel tired so easily and life can easily get on top of me, if I don't choose to live in the moment.

My Identity is firmly rooted in Jesus and my heart beat is for him, success has bee in my life and the journey from second class to first class has been a long one, again with the grace of God evident. His love, is my love and his heart beat is my heart beat. I don't go out and preach to the world, but my heart beats and burns for the land, because Papa God's heart beats and burns for the land.

I will be 49 this year and I choose to live in the moment, to love what I have and enjoy what I have been given, as gifts and as the person God made me to be.

The lack of understanding, the fears, hopes, lost dreams to be fulfilled from the heart of God for me, no longer matter so much to me, as when the time is right these things will come to pass, because I know his love, because I have felt his love, so gentle and kind, so beautiful and tender. All the things I needed he has given me, he has drawn me into him. I see the world around me in a new way, with a compassion of God's heart. I don't know how I will do these things, but I know now that he will help me do them, because my identity is not of this reality, it is of another place. The place where love resides.  

22nd May leg bite and the journey

On Friday, 22nd May 2015, I said to mum that my leg was swollen again during our night time routine, but I was not bothered. Then half an hour later, I had my nightly shower, and found a big red rash as though I had been bitten by an insect, at the time I don't remember it, but time distance has left a vague memory of a pain like a bite. But I had only been down to the post office, down the road, earlier that day and had not been aware of anything happening.
So as this latest reaction to a bite continued I did all the things I always do, day and night antihistamines, anthisane and hydrocortisone creams until they weren't needed and it all was going OK and seemed to be recovering well. Then the night of  Sunday 21st June 2015 my leg started hurting really badly, I did not sleep well, and awoke early to talk to mum about it.

We went for an emergency GP appointment around 3-00pm on Monday, 22nd June 2015. GP was worried I may have a Deep vein thrombosis, as I have type 2 diabetes and a blood disease that makes too many red blood cells, which means I have a greater chance of a DVT.
The other choice was Cellulitis, an infection of the tissues that needs treatment with Antibiotics.
So the GP made a call and wrote a letter to the DVT clinic to get tested for presence of DVT, and we went to the hospital the next day on Tuesday, 23rd June 2015. The result of the blood DVT test  was negative for the presence of a DVT, and was I glad. So we went home and Mum went to get the antibiotics perscription needed to treat the cellulitis. At time of writting I have 1 and a half days left of a 7 day course of medication, and enforced rest with my leg resting to allow the treatment to work.

This 2015 situation was the 3rd serious bite reaction I have had in the last 4 years and it is not a nice experience. I find it a challenge on top of all the other challenges in my life, which may not always be apparent to those looking on. It was also made tougher because Mum accidentally injured the phashia (fleshy bony part in the sole of the foot about 8weeks ago) and has been struggling along with things, but as it was not getting better, she is seeking treatment now, for which I am really glad for her and for me.

As a girl with Asperger Syndrome I find aspects of my life quite hard on a daily basis, but the stress of coping with some thing that immobilises me and stops me in my tracks in such a way is often stressfull and can cause pain of a different kind. However, in the world as it is nowadays, I feel blessed that I have treatment and that I am now on the way to recovery.

My Identity, his grace - learning along the way part 3

I watched Charlotte Elmore on BBC 1 - Me and My new brain, about the accident which gave her the brain injury she is now living with on a daily basis. I found the whole programme interesting, as she experienced where it all happened in Switzerland, at the hospital after the accident 4 years ago.
then the psychological effects of the trauma and the recovery.
There were aspects I could relate to which I have lived with all my life, but she has had to adjust to after the accident. Like coping with social situations, light and noise, and the challenges of understanding what other people's emotions are in certain areas.
Things which I have difficulty with and always will.
My identity has changed or rather my veiw of my identity has changed over time, as along the journey of life I have had dyslexia diagnosed, then Aspergers (autism).
Other things have changed my Identity and the way I see my life, because of the negative parts of my past  which made me feel a certain way, but then changed with revelation of aspects of my life that were very positive.
My identity rests very much within the idea of autism and what I am able to do or not do, not that I choose to be disabled by autism, but that is the result/ effect of how my brain works and has always worked.
Healing is a difficult challenge because, who I am now aged 48, soon to be 49 is intimately intwined with autism and there are things about it I would be very happy to get rid of, but equally there are things about me and who I am which I would be sorry to loose. So it is not a simple choice healed or remain as I am.
I spent many sad and difficult years while growing up begging God to heal me, recognising I was different and not knowing why, feeling suicidal, feeling lost. Bullied by children who knew I was vulnerable, and struggling to function in the world. Feeling down trodden and a second class  failure for most of my education and quite a while into my adult life.
Walking with Jesus,learning about love, beginning  to find, my identity in him, while walking the journey, as I am with him, finding peace in the middle of the challenges I face every day, because of autism, I am accepted by heaven as I am and as I walk this path, trying to fight for justice for all people like me, who are made to function in heaven, as we are people who have not disconnected from heaven, that we life in another world, which may be heaven.
I am learning that this is probably the case, as if like me before we come to earth we decide to live as people with autism then, according to Ian Clayton teaching then does healing need to happen. I have experienced healing in the very fact I am writing this blog, that I am able to manage my money and I know the change I should be getting, I can tell the time, I can drive, I make cards and do paper craft and use a computer.

My Identity, His grace - His love in me part 2

On the 24th August 2015 I started a blog entry that was the start of my 30 days entries, as I join in with the (in)courage women bloggers of 30 days themed blog.
As a woman on the autism spectrum, love and what it means has been a huge issue for me, I knew the concept and I understood that Mum and Dad were supposed to love me and take care of me, but as for the feeling of love, the emotion and how I related to it, only changed about 4 or 5 years ago, when I was in a meeting and I actually felt the love of God, and knew what love was. I will be 49 in 2015, and I know his love in me, but I still struggle with how to show it sometimes, because I don't recognise the right or appropriate response to make in some situations. This means I stay quiet a lot, but my heart goes out to those who suffer. I feel compassion for the LBGT community, as I can see from their point of view what it is like to be condemned  for something they have not chosen to be, like I did not choose to be autistic, however this comparison does not go the whole way, as my position with autism did not mean I had no access to the family of God. I did feel the lack of acceptance of my needs as an individual. Only when I got a diagnosis of Autism aged 38, did I feel the acceptance of myself as I am, in myself, but still had situations where people could make me feel I was not accepted among them.
It is God's grace in my life, that has given me more than I realised even before I ever came to Jesus and accepted him as my saviour. Revelation and teaching has changed the way I see my past, although I still have the scars and the memories. For me Love changed everything, understanding what love is and what it does when you do, makes life harder in some ways because I am aware that I need to give out my love, but how do I pass this love on. This worried me for quite some time, but I eventually passed it over to Jesus and asked him to help me, because it would have been a struggle in my own strength and I would have burned  out again for the umteenth time in my life.
Experiencing love has in the most part enabled me to let go of the things that made me struggle. It has enabled me to go through the processes of finding peace with Jesus, finding out where I am supposed to be, and actually it is a process of dying to me and what I am and my identity becoming his identity. This was so painful in the past, and still is now, and maybe will be in the future.
But my heart is part of heaven, and heaven is part of me, so anything that God wants or desires, is not about me, it is about him being seen like a robe of light that envelopes me, and makes me his vessel to be seen by the world.