LOVE IS THE KEY

After the 16th July, I am learning how to love. To feel love and experience the pain  of loss, and the Glory of a God, who would send his son to die for me. I believed that love existed at some level in all parts my home life, but I always found it difficult to love and cuddles, either from people or from Jesus, and found it difficult to maintain the kind of relationship that I saw other people had. This is not to say I did not love Jesus. I did love him because I needed him to survive this world, and the traumas of living in a world where you feel confused by other people and the attitudes they have towards you.
I struggled and strived to be what people wanted because I didn't want to let people down or disappoint them. I wanted to my best, because I was a person of integrity, all the while believing as much as I could in the person of Jesus. I was told that Jesus loved me, and it was a heart thing, but it was a struggle because I did not know, the things I now know.
I have always been in Love with Jesus but because of my disabilities, I found it hard to express this to the wider world. I felt the separation and loneliness of no friends on the ground, but I had the friendship of Jesus.
I always wanted to know him, and walk with him. I am learning to love Jesus, the way I loved Sassy, but the love I now feel is frustrated because I don't know how to use it. (Tears) in a moment of time my life was Changed. I will never be the same.

16th July 2010 Jesus Freedom

On the 16th July 2010 I had a violent encounter with the realm of the Spirit during COBH Spirit School.
I was sitting on my chair engaging with Jesus in worship and I was flung backwards several feet, hurting my toe (possibly broke it). A few days later things became really hard as my dog who had taught me so much about love and life and who I believe was a gift from Jesus, and had not been well since may died.
I felt the pain of loss for my Dad, who I did not really greive properly for 11years ago. My furry friend Sassy was the only friend I was close to, because I have Aspergers Syndrome(read more in earlier entries).
There was a Spiritual Blockage in my life, which was dealt with in an amazing way.
I know Jesus changed something in me, as result I am changed by his power. It has been a messy time, but also a time of overcoming.
The change is a radical one considering my history and the things that have happened in my life.

1-30 am Sassy Gone 5th August 2010

After 10years 3months my beautiful doggy friend was put to sleep after being ill with heart failure. She was my VERY SPECIAL FRIEND and I loved her loads. She was a very Special Dog and funny in her ways.
She liked barking at other dogs, doing rolly polly's upside down, having hippo in her mouth, knowing when I was on my way home, wanting things to be done her way.
She went out barking which is how she lived her life. I enjoyed her and loved her as she loved me and I thank God for her.

The Big Brother House and Dave the Monk

I wanted to blog about Dave the Monk, because I am proud of him and like everyone else that has had anything to do with him. He is the REAL DEAL when it comes to Loving Jesus. In the last few years I stopped watching BB because things were so wierd. But because I knew Dave as one of the people who ran Sloshfest and is committed to loving people as Jesus did. I knew that the last BB would be a Good one, as it has proved to be.
I am cheering him on, back here in South Wales, with all that I have in me. Dave believes in Christian Love not religion, as it is not religion, but true Christianity that wins in the end over anything that is not truly of God and his Kingdom. I am not sure how long Dave will remain in the BB House. But I hope that he does stay in to the end and may be even win. There will be some needy children in India, who will find hope if He does.
Just to finish I want to say he will win, anything is possible and I have a strong feeling that this may be what God wants.

God said I am " Living in My Destiny" 16th 7 2010

I have just gone through a really tough week spiritually and emotionally. Some stuff arose out of a really good time 16th 7 2010 with Company of Burning Hearts, but these are going to be resolved with God's help.
I am now feeling better about things, because of watching a really inspiring American young man called  Jaeson Ma on God TV on the 22nd July 2010. His talk about changes in the Mountain of Media was what I really needed to hear, having been a person who has prayed for many years for the changes we are now beginning to see.

I hope that my friend God will enable me to be involved with the Harvest of Souls which is taking place in China, in some way and also as  creative person who has more to offer the world than has been accepted up to now in the Market place.

I have started in a small way addressing issues over Autism and Aspergers Syndrome and talked at a reception where Welsh Assembly Members were present. So I have started, and I am living in my destiny, I just need to hang in there as things move forward and develop.

This is a new era, time for Change, for a New World

well its along time since I last wrote in this blog. But I have been experiencing the ongoing changes that a deeper level of understanding brings, with regard to view of us as Spirit beings. I was watching God Tv today and felt my Spirit man getting excited as I listened to Judah Smith talk about the prodigal son and grace.
I can see my calling rising up inside me and causing me to feel the urgency of the times we live in and that the body of Christ needs to change in a very real way. It is time to stand and be counted. To be the Spirit people we were always meant to be.

I have loved Jesus and love him now, but I never understood or accepted the reality of grace or unconditional love, even from my parents, let alone from Jesus. I realised I am truly loved by Jesus and I love him truly and because of this I can go out into the world without fear, because even if I die, I live with Jesus.
I have known this as a fact for many,many years, but today I really really felt it far more deeply than at any other time in my life, since becoming a Christian at age 13, 30 years ago.

Life in a spiritual sense has changed radically for me and the dreams, I had as a young person, to serve the kingdom of God, are beginning to grow again.I can see the world in a new way and have hope that my walk with Jesus is going to be the way it should have been from the day I came into being.

I love Jesus with all my heart and I want to spend time with him and see change happen in the world, because the world is lost if I don't do anything.

Things are a changing

I want to be a better person and make the world a better place. How do I do this? Well the only thing or person who can help me do this is Jesus and always has been. But what is about to happen will change the way that Christianity is seen and also what is truly our inheritance as people who love Jesus and want to actually walk with God in the realm of the spiritual (heaven). Life took a great leap forward for me at the end of last year with the teaching from Ian Clayton, because at the very deepest level of my being, my inner man I knew what I was hearing was right, even though my head could not fathom that the things he was saying were true. Only a few baby steps further on down the road. I am even more convinced that the things I have heard are more than right, they are something that the Body of Christ should be doing to change this world where life is difficult for so many people.
I am almost certain that my head will never truly understand any of this teaching, but that does not matter because if my inner man is the part of me that is alive to Jesus then maybe my head will learn what my inner man absorbs. I really feel a connection with the idea that my DNA was made for this time in history, (this is not delusions of grandeur, but the reality of my destiny which is becoming clearer)and this is how I have always felt since I became a Christian at age 13.

Global Warming/ Climate Change

I have been thinking about this subject a fair amount recently, because of the IPCC report about some of the science not being trustworthy. I recognise that alot of what is said surrounding this subject has fear behind it as it hits the biggest question of all, What will happen to the Human Race if nothing is done?
If human beings are responsible for only 2% of carbon emmissions there is so many things that we cannot change.So many people imagine that they are the masters of this world, but we are but a small part and subject to the elements which make this planet what it is.
I have listened to so many viewpoints and scientific opinions and had my doubts regarding some of the theories and even so called scientific proof from various places did not seem to add up.
The people of Haiti know the earth is a living breathing biological object which does it's own thing, and yes, Humans suffer, but better building and an early warning system may have helped.
But in a world where for many people "I" is no. 1 and greed for money and stuff become so extreme that it leaves so many in poverty around the world.
There greed of the west, of which I am part in a small way, has a direct link to Climate Change because money that is hidden away in banks may be earning interest, and be being used in the economy. But the whole financial system is built on corrupt values.

My beliefs on Climate Change are informed by my faith and the fear that I see in the shadows whenever I hear anyone talking about this subject is clear to see. In a secular world disconnected from God or the idea of any divine being climate change has no rhyme or reason. When we started on the path to industry and human development, nobody considered or understood what would happen, so although we could have looked after things better, our development in the western world would have been slower.
Development requires change, and that is what the Earth is doing, we need to be creative and find ways to develop with it. 

Dreams from childhood

 I still have hope that there are dreams and I still have dreams for the future at the age of 43.
But like many in a similar position to me, I cannot see those dreams happening, in a world, where there are some who care greatly about thier fellow human being, but where alot only care about themselves.
Those dreams seem far away. I have dreams but they concern other people as well as myself.
I dream of equality in the workplace and Aspergers Syndrome being a reason for employment instead of a reason to go on benefit.
I dream of a time when we will be valued in a society, and not as an incumberance to "Flexible Working Practices"????!!!!!!
I have work skills that were valuable in a workplace, but I was not valuable enough to be kept there.
I don't have the chance, the freedom or the ability to do any of the things I would really like to do, because I cannot work, am not allowed to work.