Nearly Christmas continued

In heaven the Bells are ringing

I am looking forward to Christmas and being with family. Also the weather has been interesting this year hasn't it. I like snow but this lot has not been very nice.

The Olympia Horse Show is my yearly enjoyment of the equestrian kind and they had possible difficulties facing them, regarding leaving because of the weather on Monday,21st December 2009

I had my Christmas meal with the Aspergers Social Group on 22nd, and it was nice to share things with people including my crafting in the shape of 2010 calenders

Nearly Christmas 2009

I am really happy because I love Jesus and things have changed after the Ian Clayton Conference. I learnt so much and also learnt how little I really know.
Life is getting a bit more interesting because I can work on myself and my relationship with Jesus.

Ding Dong Merrily on High

I have a problem

So many people are saying that meateaters are destroying the planet, because of all the animals producing methane.But my question / problem is this, Rainforest is being pulled down to grow soya and palm oil, at the  rate of football fields a day or even less. I don't see becoming vegetiarian as an environmentally friendly alternative, because of the soya bean issue, and because there has to be the space to grow enough pulses and veg protein to feed an overflowing planet.
The loss of rainforest is more worrying, because no one knows what will happen if it all goes, yes some people are worried, but no one is doing much about it or talking about it in an urgent way. I suspect that demolishing rainforest is causing climate change and that rather than grubbing it up, we should be replacing it.

So many of the arguements I see on telly and elsewhere seem to oversimplify  the issues. We live in a complex ecosystem on this planet and we mess around with things at our peril. Trade and earning a living are important, but the greed of  Multinational Companies, grasping at what is a man made financial structure, regarding money and destroying the world we live in. We all need energy to live, to eat, and stay warm and this has been true for thousands of years.
We cannot turn the clocks back, so we need to find creative ways to survive.

Feeling Lonely and disapointed

I realise that there are many people out there a lot worse off than me, in terms of what they are able to do and thier disabilities are greater than mine. But right now after thursday's A.S social group where I was supposed to be sharing my cards, and ended up talking about the NAS "don't write me off campaign". I was asked to report on the Launch which I did as well as I could.
I felt really upset and disapointed because I expected one thing and had another.
I am getting fed up with this as a hobby, because no one seems interested in what I do. I've done plenty of voluntary work in my life and I would love to be needed and valued.

I found this month's social group difficult because it was all about the things I find hard about the future in regard to where I will live and whether I will be safe. I put on a brave face around mum and try to be strong and also have belief in Jesus, but because the world out there isn't nice and I don't have any great trust of people, when it comes to coping on my own.

I just feel that there are still BIG BARRIERS IN MY WAY, and having a job would not help any because I could not garantee that even the best job for me would still be there in six months.

I am in strange place, because spiritually I feel stronger in Jesus than I have ever done, but I still have a disability, and balancing this with my circumstances is very painful right now.

I am regarded as more able but with things I cannot do I find it really hard.

Advert and Global Warming

When I became aware of the Advert with the father reading the story about Global Warming, with drowning dogs and all sorts of other terrible things, I really began to wonder. The outrageous fear and the weight of such propaganda placed on the shoulders of Children in such a way seems unfair and unkind. I recognise that Climate is an issue and that children like my Nephew and Neice may inherit even greater ones. But the outrageous fear and desire to change that which may not be changeable, is really a lot more frightening because of the damage it does and the imprisoning effect which fear has. The world is so afraid of Global Warming that is prepared to try and scare us into action.
I Believe and understand that we have not be good stewards of the environment, and there are many areas like land fill and recycling that we can and should address, because logic says that land for this purpose will eventually run out, as is already happening in some places.

However when it comes to Co2 there are so many confusing and contradicting theories, it is really hard for anyone to get at the "truth". There is so much Co2 which is naturally produced, and that what we as human beings produce being only 2% of the total Co2.
We all need some clarity and less fear if we are going to make any changes

My views on welsh defence league

I feel very strongly that the WDL is out to fullfill thier own agendas.
As person I have respect and care all people of all faith's as Human Beings.
In my view anything that creates an environment of violence and hatred towards any faith is treading dangerously, as any attack against Muslims gives yet more justification to those who would wish to terrorise the Western World.

MUSLIMS and REAL CHRISTIANS NEED TO TALK, because some of the things that we in the west are condemned for, would be things that Christians find distressing as well.
There are too many reasons and arguements to write about here, but THE MUSLIM Community needs to understand and I think in the UK more than elsewhere they are beginning to realise, that people who love Jesus and have a deep living Faith which loves and cares for all people, we may not agree over matters of Faith, but we care about the way things are and we care about people.

The WDL may say things but these things would mask any hidden agendas, I don't subscribe to their racist view of the world or be lumped in with any such ideas, by people of another culture in another land who know nothing of my personal lifestyle which is gentle and kind or my commitment to praying for the world.

I pray for peace, justice and hope for all people around the world, including revelation for those who would wish to use violence and torture to hit thier message home. I don't agree with it, because violence breeds violence no matter where or when it is happening.

For these reasons I do not want Newport or Swansea to have the the WDL Marches.

New Computers, upgrades and the Blessing Zone

Wow! Jesus is Good
I feel better after the last couple of weeks
Jesus did a big thing in my life on the 10th August 09 and then things happened and a lot of things went bang, but I am now back on track and things are good.
I praise God for everything in my life and choose to live in the blessing zone, where everything is seen as positive and used by God, rather than seeing the negative.

I am moving forward with Jesus and the hope I have in my heart grows stronger with every message I hear, but I find it difficult to remember the things to do, so I just trust God to help and he usually does.
I want to have a testimony of God's provision and I guess in many ways I already do but I want to get into the realm of the supernatural.

At home with Mum

Things are great with Jesus, but home is more than a little stressful.
I love mum heaps but her way of being just creates extra friction and stress.
I realise I don't help much but I do what I can when I can and it is so frustrating, and hurtful when she goes off on one. I don't think she realises how much these outbursts hurt me or the damage she does when she does them.
I feel so poorly today anyhow and she did not help by behaving the way she did. It is really hard to let these things pass because they hurt,while at the same time it diminshes my understanding and desire to take these outbursts seriously, because as she said herself, it is just her.

My expectations of what are my responsabilities in the home are very small because she does not allow me to do so much and there are things that I cannot do.
I also have physical problem as well which have never seemed to bother her, as much as she complains about the arthritis in her ankle, and the work she has to do in the garden.

I desparately want things to be better between us, not that we don't have a good relationship already most of the time, but knowing she feels the way she does which causes the outburst today, makes life a little more of a burden.
I am her daughter not a replacement for Dad which is how I feel sometimes, having to live my life in her pocket

Cows and Gas

I just watched Countryfile talking about the methane gas which cattle produce, causeing more problem than planes, trains and automobiles. Those of us who eat meat are made to feel guilty about what we do, by people who believe that that to be a vegatarian.
I understand that there is a problem, but there is an issue with the millions of acres of rainforest which is being destroyed to plant soya beans, which are a staple of the vegi diet, which is the most environmentally friendly.
Using the methane as an energy source is a very sensible way forward, but whatever kind of diet we eat there will be an environmental impact. Stopping one thing, in favour of another thing, may have a detrimental effect that we haven't recognised yet.
We have messed around so much with the planet already, I wonder whether as human beings we have the skills and ability to recover.
As a Christian I believe we can do alot in the way of recycling and composting, but it will take a miracle for us to stop the ongoing damage and have a certain amount of restoration.
The future of the planet rests in God's hands.

I feel sad for the people who have no faith, because it is a very frightening time to live in, if they truly think that the fate of the planet is destruction, which right now it probably is, but what they don't wholly realise is that they are heading on a path to eterenal death and destruction.

Monday 10th August - Visit St Donats Castle

I am going to St Donat's Castle, home to Atlantic College, opposite the Beach at Llantwit Major.
As a child I went with my family and other friends and would wonder about the sea frontage of the Building. I had a romantic notion of a princess's castle, but knew none of its history.

I reckon I need some time to play as life seems to have been very stressful, recently with having a bad back and other ongoing difficulties. Even going to the Sound of Music last Sunday 2nd August was quite stressful, because parking was full where we usually go in Mermaid Quay.
Mum gets so stressed about life and about me, but I think this is to do with seeing the world differently, and experiencing the world in different ways.
But I find that her getting stressed affects me and even sometimes upsets me, so I don't fuction well at these times. She seems to have higher expectations of things I find it difficult to fullfill, and gets upset when I don't achieve them and is always on about when I get myself together.
I sometimes wish I could say the same to her, but I am scared of upsetting her.

graffiti

well I just lost an hour's worth of typing about an experience I had yesterday.
A house near where I live, has a large area of wall next to an alley way, which he spent alot of time cleaning and painting after someone graffettied in blue and red all over this freshly painted wall.
It really upset me because I felt for the owner, but I also wondered about the person who did it.
I am all for creative expression, but I wonder what makes a young person feel that it is thier right or that it is even ok to do what they did.

We need to listen to children and given what they need and not always dictate to them what we as a society think they need.

I often find myself crying out to God for the needs of the children. More so after yesterdays expereince.
The Government needs to listen to people who know what children need, and not try and put things right with too little amounts of money. Our children are our future, and they all deserve a better deal. As a society we tend to look down on children who have had bad start in life, because of poverty and other issues(the ASBO generation). But we also don't highlight the children who achieve unless it is some great achievement which the average child may never attain.

I am pleased that we have a children's commissioner and it is helpful, but more needs to be done and the money needs to go to the children who really need it, in the very poorest places in our nation and in the rest of the UK.

There are many GOOD people doing very good work to help kids in thier own communities, and the rest of the UK needs to follow thier examples and start careing for our future, because our future is our children.

GRAFFETTI.

yesterday as I was walking my dog I found a situation that really distressed me.

There is an alleyway leading to an area of fields, along this alley is a house with large expanse of wall. A few months ago I saw the person who owns the house cleaning graffetti off this wall and he then over several days painted this wall a lovely bright cream colour. This was obviously begging to be covered by with yet more graffetti.

I think that I was distressed for the owner of the wall and all the hard work he had to do to get it looking good, but I was also distressed by the possibility that kids who have just started thier summer break are so bored for something to do that they enjoy defacing other people's property.

Our kids are our future and so important but we as a society are failing them, ALL of them at some level. Life is difficult for somany people, but our children are really important in deeper ways than the ways in which they are portrayed in the media.

I regularly find myself crying out to God about the children, as I did yesterday. The whole experience really moved me in my spirit. We are in a time where money is tight and things are going wrong with the economy but I am rapidly coming to believe that one of the reasons we are in difficulty is because of the lack of concern shown by any Government for the needs of children.

I realise that we now have a children's commissioner, and this Government is paying lipservice to getting something done but I have little hope that anything of great significance will come of these efforts. They want to throw money at the situation, but it is not always enough to throw money at the situation if it is not helping the children who really need it.

Reform needs to happen in the family courts, in education, and the media needs to focus on the

Gary Mackinnon

As a person with Aspergers Syndrome I truly feel for this young man and his situation.
My prayers are with him and I hope that the Authorities both in America and here will see sense and understand that he was not being a criminal or even had any mallicous intent.
I realise I don't personally know him but I know other people with Aspergers and I would not classify them as a danger to America.
The main issue is that this is a person who vulnerable and probably isolated and in danger for his life if he were convicted. He is obviously very talented with computers and very able in that area of his life.I would not know the first thing about hacking into any computer system.
To the general population hacking into what should be secure servers is regarded as a bad thing to do and yes, he shouldn't have done it, but people with A.S do not see the world in the same way and would think that most things are OK to do, unless they are told not to do something, then it would never be done.
The Diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, I suspect, is regarded with suspicion by America, because of the fact that it came after the action which Gary took.
So many people do not believe that A.S. exists because they cannot see it, but I recognise that I had it from birth via my Mum's experiences of me. Gary did not acquire this at diagnosis, he would have had A.S from Birth, and the people involved show thier ignorance, in persuing such a person, who in many ways could be considered a soft target.

The Shaking

"Everything that can be shaken will be shaken"
The 7 mountains- Church, Business, Media, Government, Education, Family and the law are all being shaken.
Things are on the change as many people have born witness to over the last few years.
My ongoing prayer for this time of transition is for the truth to be revealed in every situation, for for heaven's justice to sustain the right outcomes and wisdom to seek out what is truth and justice in every situation.

My Father God is about his business in the land and we as Christians need to find unity and a right spirit of togetherness for the good of Creation, put aside our quarrells and our theological arguement in favour of maturity and growth to a new level so that the
Hope for the shape of the future which rests with us in this generation will change the direction and course of history which we are currently headed for.

The culture of Michael Jackson and the Gospel

I am saddened by the untimely death of Michael Jackson, but I am very disturbed by the extreme outpouring of grief, that gives the death of a mortal man the feeling of godlike status.
His life ended sadly as it began, without a childhood and being pushed and pressed from every direction as far as I can tell. I think he enjoyed the limelight in the early years, but the interviews in recent year's show a person who had sadness and regrets
I always wonder how happy he was and if all he had and then lost, really made him happy, only God knows.
I accept that people who liked his music and were fans are entitled to be sad and even to cry, because it is a sad thing that has happened, but he was only a man and as a person with a living faith, I see this kind of worship, at the feet of celebrity as a symptom of the separation from God and spiritual thinking and the Love of Jesus.
I often prayed that people like Michael would come across people who loved Jesus and that he could have found peace with the life he had through a relationship with Jesus. It is clear that as a person he had issues and his life was difficult. Even I can see that!
In my heart I long for the prosperity of the gospel and the understanding of the general population that Christianity is not a control method, but is the source of love, real love and real freedom. Because it is only through Jesus that we have the oppotunity to be the people we are all created to be.

God Fearing and Compassion

I am humbled by the Hand of God and the way he is moving in my life and in the world around me, I am a changed person after attending the Mystic conference (4th - 6th June 09).
God is and has a heart of compassion, but he is also the God of the Old Testament. I was reminded that there is the aspect of my relationship with him which requires fearing a kind of deep respect for who he is and what he has done in my life, but as I respect him in a deeper way, so my relationship with him and the expectation of the supernatural grows.

Compassion for the lost, the hurting, those in pain and suffering has always been there, but I was coping with my own difficulties and the unreality that my life was forced to be, with the realisation of the truth about my past and who I am in God, there is an understanding of the compassion for others which is growing within me for the world at large and as an Prophetic Intercessor I see the heart of the secular world dieing for the need of Jesus and a Church which is going the same way, even though not all of them can see it.

Things have always been serious in regard to the spiritual climate and the decline over the last 40 years, but Jesus died so that we could all be free to love him and to love God. So much of what people believe to be part of Christianity are legalistic rules invented by people desiring to control other and has nothing to do with the reality of love and relationship with Jesus.

Jason T. Westerfield & New Mystics 4th-6th June 09

Wow!
What an amazing three days at the Gate, keppoch Rd., Cardiff. Jesus was proclaimed and the kingdom was advanced for me with fruit in my life from the first day.
People who don't understand are frightened by the idea of the supernatural, anything extreme or what "seems" offensive in thier minds has to come from the Devil. We need to watch out for the counterfeit manifestations, but I for one would not credit him with the signs and wonders at this time in history. He can only do fake/counterfeit phenomenon.

So there are things that Jesus and God did which were ORIGINAL SUPERNATURAL miracles, and he told us in his word that we would do greater exploits in his name.

I read on a website/blog which I am not particularly bothered about its location, because it was talking a load of rubbish about Jason Westerfield, and was one of several I glanced at.

Closed minds, deaf to the beating of God's heart for this crucial time in history, need to be careful that they are not rubbishing or offending God himself.

I feel a freedom and a release that has changed me launching me to another degree of glory, and things I struggled to do have become easier. Not something that the Devil can do!

Summertime and Politics Money Madness

The hot summer we were promised, is here. I have a nasty sore throat and feel unwell, but that is another story

I have watched the ongoing news coverage regarding Politican's expenses and the understandable uproar it has created. There are some who may have made genuine mistakes, but there are people who knew what they were doing and because they saw it as being within the rules, it was O.K
But what they failed to recognise was the moral corruption involved in what they were doing.
That money could have been used elsewhere to help people in poverty, and the NHS, Schools, as well as some kids with special needs.
As a person who is disabled by society's attitude to people on the Autism Spectrum, which means I am out of a job and on benefit. This money could have continued to fund me in the job I was doing in 2004, but lost because I had my diagnosis of Aspergers Syndrome, and the funding for the job was withdrawn, in favour of a new structure.
I would like a job, but I could only do so if it was geared to my needs. The world in which I have to live, is inflexible and none accomedating of the needs people like me.

These are some of the reasons why the whole set up in politics is not being tolerated by the voting public. As they feel that they / we would be in trouble if we did some of the things they have been doing. It is our money paid through taxs to get a decent quality of life for all citizens in the UK. What they have been doing has effectively been stealing money that could have gone elsewhere. IT IS NOT THIER RIGHT TO HAVE IT !!

The God Spot

Things are changing spiritually in the land and people like Jason Westerfield, Graham Cooke are telling us so.
As a Christian I recognise the atmosphere is changing in my own life. I now realise I never really understood the phrase," bringing heaven to earth" and that what is going on in the church would be changed so radically.

There is a need for Faith in a Spiritual realm and people's desire for something better will only be fullfilled by recognising that Jesus died for each and everyone of us. The violence and sadness which we witness on a daily basis will only be put right, when as a group of nations we do what is right and proper before God, which is to recognise him and what he is doing in the land.

I love Jesus with all my heart and want to tell the world about him, and what he has done for me. He rescued me at the age of 13 (I am now 42), and although my life is not like I hoped it would be all those years ago, I can say that I am grateful for the grace and ongoing love from Jesus.
Some people think us christians are mad for following and caring about someone we cannot see and wanting to do his will, BUT there is something they do not understand, which is unexplainable unless it is felt or experienced. The fact is that what we expereince is absolutely real and is tangible in its essence, and the greatest thing of all is that it is free to every single person on the planet if they should so choose.

Garden Centre and Poetry

Flowers, flowers, Flowers
I love flowers daliha's, fuchias, indeed anything that is colourful.
Last year, I started growing veg in containers, only in a small way. But this year is a bit more serious, I am staggering the planting times for carrots and peas, so that there will be veg for a longer season.
I don't think that the gardening bug will wholly overtake me,because I enjoy crafting too much and the creativity that goes with thinking up the next design for a greeting card.

Poetry and me
I recorded Griff Rhys Jones and the importance of poetry tonight. I have yet to see the programme, but thought I would like to comment on the importance of poetry in my own life.
I regard myself as a poet, it is a strong part of my identity and writing Poetry has got me through some major happenings in my life. It is a therapy, but it is something more.
There is that indefinable momment when the idea which is downloaded or so it feels, to my brain, then becomes words on a page, which finally becomes a picture with a story, all via the written word, and I am always amazed. It happens so easily and is so enjoyable. I must also say that I thoughly enjoy reading my own work for pleasure. The idea of public proformance scares me because as someone with A.S (Aspergers Syndrome) I do find it difficult to perform well in front of other people sometimes. I've done it when required in the past, in other situations and for other reasons but it is not my idea of fun, and I want to enjoy poetry, not punish myself with it.
Poetry is a means of release from the mundane, but also a chance to give a message in a disguised format, enabling other people to enter your world and then to see thier world in a new way.
I would like to be a recognised poet, but I suspect that this is not possible without profromance.
I will however still enjoy my poems and the thinking they provoke in me.

Madeline MaCann

I am still praying that this beautiful little girl will be found if she is still around.
I cannot imagine the ongoing pain of having a missing child, and I get angry at people who say that the MaCann's should stop going on about it and get on with thier lives.
I don't have children, but even I can understand that they need to go on because the emotion and fact that Madeline is missing is present every day, every hour, every minute and they cannot just let go and get on with thier lives.
None of us have the right to expect them too

Garden Break In

Well what a day, I woke to the news that we had a break in.
We have a garden which is 100yards long and about 15 to 20 feet wide.
there four sheds - the brick shed, the wooden shed and the tin shed, and finally what is called the Summer house and its own little garden. After this comes apple trees and then a gate to the wild area. This gate was broken off its hinges and the someone who did that snooped in my hideaway the S.H.

I am angry because they had no business being there. This happened during the night and my mum found it, then when a neighbour came to help her repair and fix the gate in the late afternoon someone had been in the summerhouse again during the day.

There is no respect or boundary that is recognised by people today and the feeling of having people invade your private and personal space is not a nice one. They had no right to come anywhere on our property. I also had an interactive owl which hooted on detection of movement or light. This was stolen the first time and I feel sad about it as it was supposed to be fun.
I hope they get more than they bargianed for in the way of blessings and perhaps if they sold it, I hope they enjoy the money as it was only worth about £15

Had a good couple of days and Sassy

Yesterday (sunday) was a really good day in the Garden
some repotting of plants and moving around of other plants, just a really good day.
One thing I haven't mentioned so far in my blog is my dog Sassy, so the next entries are going to be a dog blog.
Sassy is 11years old, Golden Retriever(not a lab) and a real character. she arrived in our lives when she was two years old.
She is a real softie, and bit of a flirt with the men. There is much I could write about her, and it would be hard to capture her essence totally. But she is fun, she is inqusitive, and loves the sun.

She will lie upside down with peices of blanket and toss them around with her legs, watching for our responses. Then she will wag her tail. we often get proformance where she expects us to say wow! what a dog. Everyday has something which we can enjoy as her owners.
She is my dog and like the puppies we used to breed she chose me as her friend the minute she set her eyes on me. The friendship is strong and very important to me, and helps me emotionally and psychologically to be as healthy as I can be.
I know she understands me and to those looking in it is a mutually reciprical relationship

The Supernatural and the Church

This is a very big subject and I don't intend to go in too deep with this, but I just wanted to state my position.
I am totally open to the supernatural, miracles, gems appearing from nowhere, Angels working with us, as christians. I am supportive of anything that I recognise to be of God and would not dismiss anything because it did not conform to my interpretation of the bible.
I trust God to let me know if and when something is not right and feel that the era we are moving into is, as many have said already, very crucial to what will happen as a result in the next 40 to 50 years.
Anyone who feels afraid of the Spiritual realm and misunderstands the good things as being from the Devil needs to realise that things have changed. I recognise a change personally (see previous entry), but struggled with the idea internally, that things had changed, until now.

As someone who wholeheartedly supports people who are going for the supernatural lifestyle, I recognise that the fear in large parts of the Body of Christ/the Church is really not warranted.
The new is here and we all need to embrace it.

Misunderstandings

I am enjoying the ongoing chance to say what I am thinking and feeling about the world in which I live. One thing I get out of this is the fact that I don't feel so isolated. I don't have any close friends, which part of the difficulty when you A.S.(Aspergers Syndrome), people don't always understand your reactions or even your lack of reaction to things that they recognise easily, like body language. I am sure there have been many misunderstandings and offence taken by people who did not understand that I did not understand them.

In recent days I have come to terms with my situation and how things stand, being in reciept of benefit(Social Security) when I really wanted a job, but could not find one that suited my needs, as well as the fact that there are so many people becoming unemployed at this time, I have decided that my cup is half full, rather than half empty. I am thankful for my position in life and for the blessings I experince as Christian Woman. I have chosen a level of contentment, which has left me with hope and the desire for something better, but which does not make me feel at all stressed about my situation, after all I did not choose this path in life, it was chosen for me by a society which is not accepting or totally understanding of the needs people like me have.
I did my best to achieve success and I did to a certain level, but the stress and the strain is better gone. I can truly say Iam happy in more areas of my life.

Respect and care for others

I am often amazed by the behaviour I witness in "The Mother of Parliaments".
The word which was so often talked about in recent times has been respect, and the very people saying this, behaved in the way they do when on the green benches of Parliament.
Politics needs to grow up and become the role model for the rest of society, and teach that true respect needs to be earned.
Most of the kids with ASBO's would look at M.P's / Government and laugh themselves silly because what would be the difference. The difference would be hard to find.
The context of Political banter would be lost on those deprived of a decent education, because those same people keep saying they are doing OK as Government.
Our kids are beyond important, they are vital to the future of this world, and we are failing the kids that leave school without any qualifications, even unable to read and write.
Knowledge and understanding of the world enables respect to be fostered between people.
Respect for one's self comes from caring for other people, not from vandalism or machismo, and the neglect and poverty which has been allowed to grow will fester over time.
I care about the children of this generation and the adolesents/teenagers who will struggle into thier adult life with little or no hope of anything better in thier future.
The situation we find ourselves at this time, is to do with the shape of our culture and the way we shape our future, is to do with the way we shape our children, which brings me back to where I started this blog entry.
We need a bit more concensus politics, co-operation and less compromise. Some Politicians do want change and do care about the people they are representing, but so often it seems that most are in it for what they can get for themselves, and they expect our respect??!!!

Job Failures and people's attitudes

The garden is beginning to grow. This year things are under control, probably for the first time in 10 years. I mentioned in an earlier entry that I graduated from University in 1998, and a year later my Dad died of a Brian Tumour. I think it has taken all this time for me to reach a place where I feel like I did before that happened. When he was gone the protection he provided me, was gone and I was exposed to the world. Mum was coping with loosing dad, and what that meant for her, for us both was a tremendous adjustment. Dad had helped me with my computer and knew alot more about computer than we do.
I remember one of the lecturers on my course complimenting one of my essays and said I should go and study to phd level. It was a nice compliment, but it took all the time I had to just maintain doing the first degree, and as things stood in late 1999, I could not have continued anyhow.

There were other job failures, which were the failures of people employing me being unkind and maybe even neglegient. I always tried so hard to do the right thing and be a good employee, but stresses were always there because people did not listen, and they messed me around.
One of the "helpful"gentlemen at the Job centre in Newport, said I did not really want to work and that he could not help me(given in stronger terms). It hurt at the time, because I knew that I did want to work but there was no point in doing jobs where I was set up to fail and the very great distress which that caused me. Being put in positions where I could not cope, because I was asked to achieve tasks in a certain time and take verbal instructions. Unless you have been through these things and have my kind of Aspergers Syndrome, you will never understand what these things are like. It is Ok for the people dealing with me at one point in time but the consequences of thier attitudes and comments last alot longer in the mind and it is hard to forget the feelings you are left with, even if you are not thinking about the actual events.

writing and education

I did not do an entry yesterday, because I needed a break from writing.
It takes a hugh effort for me to organise the arrangement of words on a page. I wouldn't say I am a brilliant writer, but considering that school was all but useless to me, and most of what I now know about words and the written page was learnt long after leaving school. Especially as I was virtually ignored and regarded as stupid by some of the teachers.
All the experiences of my school days, left thier mark and although I see myself very differently now. The past makes me feel passionate about the need for an education that is geared to the needs of the individual/child.
When I left school in 1984 I had one O'level and five CSE's, but I was fortunate to have the chance to gain an education at Further Education and later on at University. I remember someone saying what was the difference between F.E. and H.E, well if your like me, then there is a great deal of difference. F.E I could manage on my own, but H.E required a bit more support from family.
Looking back,I could have done with a little more support from the University,but it was before diagnosis, and it was really hard work, and was the sole focus of my life for four years.
Going to Uni was my way of dispelling the false labels that were given to me throughout my childhood and school.
I dreamed of going to university and was really glad when I managed to go. The whole experience was a big deal for me and one I will relish and feel grateful that I did it for the rest of my life.
But there are things I still want to achieve such as writing a book about my life and the arrival via a long journey toward diagnosis and the negatives of all that, as well as the few positives,
of living in world that does not acknowledge the needs you have.

Hi there,
I know someone who also has A.S, and is going through an horrendously emotional time over a work situation which means she does not have a job now . I don't know anything about the truth of what really went on, but I can see it is really hard for her.

It is for people like that I want to highlight the issues that people with Aspergers Syndrome experience. Every person with A.S is different from the next. But things like late diagnosis and isolation, and help with daily living, are all issues faced by many with A.S. There are greater needs for some, and lesser needs for others.

I have many reasons for doing this blog, some personal and to do with my need to have a voice and let other people know what it is like to live with A.S.

It is hard to describe what it is like to live with A.S, but it often feels like I am in a bubble with a very thick skin and I am trying to get out. This happens with communication, where people misunderstand or interpret what you said with the worst meaning possible, when actually the only meaning was a literal one and there were no hidden messages(Life is too short for all that!!?)
At the age of 42 I have had alot of life experience both negative and positive.
Alot of the negative input has come from people who never asked or listened or gave me a voice in life, some of this was in the family(Things are better now). Indeed my parents thought I did not listen to what they wanted me to do day to day. They did not realise I had disability.

One thing I want to make very clear is that A.S is NOT a disability of intelligence, as many will have average to high I.Qs. We may be capable of many things outside of the group/team player context in work or any other part of life.
I did my degree at University of Wales,Newport(Formerly UWCN) graduating in 1998. This was achieved prior to diagnosis of A.S and I managed with some help and support from Family

Of course things are never trully simple when A.S is in the equation, because you are never completing on a level playing field. I may have gone on to do futher study, but never felt able to as the following year things all changed for me.

Hi There, here I am again.
Who am I? I am a unpublished writer and a self-published Poet.

As someone who is creative and likes to make things with my hands like hand made greeting cards and with my mind writing and creating pictures with poetry.
Yes, I enjoy writing even though I have dyslexia, my form of Dyslexia is more to do with numbers (dyscalculia)and short term memory difficulties.

While walking my dog today on the field near my home. The field was full of yellow dandylions.
It was so beautiful

The Dandylion Field

Yellow blooms, a pretty sight

Flying out before my eyes

Hues of spring green

Hues of yellow

Bright Images of nature.

Humble blooms, not given much worth

A weed and a pest

Sometimes viewed by the best.

Ordinary blooms like ordinary people

Have thier worth.

People like me on the Autism Spectrum

Find Society giving a subconcious ultimatum

Be like all the other dandylions in the Field

Or we'll dismiss you and we won't yield.

Like the Dandylions we are cut to size

Respect is lost and our voice's quietened

But like the Dandylion shouts its worth

We have a voice and we have worth.

Creative ways need to be found

Enabling us to be on level ground

We need to be heard and people need to listen

So our talents can shine and glisten.

So one day we find, that for our kind

The BARRIERS are BROKEN.

By Karen Thompson

About my life

Well here I am on my own blog spot at 12.20 am on the 24th April 2009.
Is anyone interested?
I have Aspergers Syndrome diagnosed at the age of 38 and Dyslexia diagnosed aged 22.

Because I was diagnosed later on in my life, I am a passionate campaigner for the needs of people like me on the Autism Spectrum.

A professional person once said to me that I did not need to search for labels, that I was perfectly OK, talking to him, but he did not understand that I had a list of labels as long as my arm and I needed the diagnosis in 2005.

This blog is an oppotunity to get out there with who I am and what I feel about the world I live in