After the 16th July, I am learning how to love. To feel love and experience the pain of loss, and the Glory of a God, who would send his son to die for me. I believed that love existed at some level in all parts my home life, but I always found it difficult to love and cuddles, either from people or from Jesus, and found it difficult to maintain the kind of relationship that I saw other people had. This is not to say I did not love Jesus. I did love him because I needed him to survive this world, and the traumas of living in a world where you feel confused by other people and the attitudes they have towards you.
I struggled and strived to be what people wanted because I didn't want to let people down or disappoint them. I wanted to my best, because I was a person of integrity, all the while believing as much as I could in the person of Jesus. I was told that Jesus loved me, and it was a heart thing, but it was a struggle because I did not know, the things I now know.
I have always been in Love with Jesus but because of my disabilities, I found it hard to express this to the wider world. I felt the separation and loneliness of no friends on the ground, but I had the friendship of Jesus.
I always wanted to know him, and walk with him. I am learning to love Jesus, the way I loved Sassy, but the love I now feel is frustrated because I don't know how to use it. (Tears) in a moment of time my life was Changed. I will never be the same.
Monday, 4 October 2010
16th July 2010 Jesus Freedom
On the 16th July 2010 I had a violent encounter with the realm of the Spirit during COBH Spirit School.
I was sitting on my chair engaging with Jesus in worship and I was flung backwards several feet, hurting my toe (possibly broke it). A few days later things became really hard as my dog who had taught me so much about love and life and who I believe was a gift from Jesus, and had not been well since may died.
I felt the pain of loss for my Dad, who I did not really greive properly for 11years ago. My furry friend Sassy was the only friend I was close to, because I have Aspergers Syndrome(read more in earlier entries).
There was a Spiritual Blockage in my life, which was dealt with in an amazing way.
I know Jesus changed something in me, as result I am changed by his power. It has been a messy time, but also a time of overcoming.
The change is a radical one considering my history and the things that have happened in my life.
I was sitting on my chair engaging with Jesus in worship and I was flung backwards several feet, hurting my toe (possibly broke it). A few days later things became really hard as my dog who had taught me so much about love and life and who I believe was a gift from Jesus, and had not been well since may died.
I felt the pain of loss for my Dad, who I did not really greive properly for 11years ago. My furry friend Sassy was the only friend I was close to, because I have Aspergers Syndrome(read more in earlier entries).
There was a Spiritual Blockage in my life, which was dealt with in an amazing way.
I know Jesus changed something in me, as result I am changed by his power. It has been a messy time, but also a time of overcoming.
The change is a radical one considering my history and the things that have happened in my life.
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