Grenfell tower disaster - one year on 14th June 2017 PT 1

Heaven was weeping on that awful day last year.
God's heart was broken by the behaviour of all who allowed things to be done, which put people in danger. There was not one group responsible but many different things came together on that firelit night to kill 71 or 72 people, none of whom did anything wrong to be in that position.

The suffering of families and friends of all those people cannot be measured in any compassionate
 way, because any explanation would not be able to fully account for all the reason's that the fire happened. It would not account for the lack of safety or the absolute danger in which residents were placed due to ignorance and lack of care.

Using cheaper materials that should never have been on the walls of that tower in the first place.

A family who lost a baby who was healthy in the womb, but because of that night, died.

There were people shouting about the issues but fools who should have known better, refused to listen, refused to admit there was anything they did to cause the possibility of anything untoward to happen. While they did not start the fire, the choices they made previously caused it to burn harder and longer fuelled by flammable materials.

The lives of many people was taken on that night and families lost loved ones who had no chance of escape, in the middle of a toxic inferno.

The suffering of all was felt by any decent human being up and down the country, and the theology of suffering is not that God did or even that he allowed it. There is a theology of suffering that says that God cares for his children - ALL HIS CHILDREN.
BOTH THOSE WHO SUFFER BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENED AND THOSE WHO MADE DECISIONS BASED ON WRONG ASSUMPTIONS OR BECAUSE OF MONEY ISSUES LIKE GREED OR LACK OF CARE. THE MOST POMPOUS ATTITUDES ARE OFTEN DAMAGING TO THOSE NOT PROTECTED BY RULES. 

Why is the OLD TESATAMENT DISLIKED TODAY????? PART 1

  So often people use the old testament of the bible as a reason for disliking God. But now in the era I am living things that happened then have happened many times, war has been continuous around the world. People often give the reason for not wanting to believe in God because he allowed any one of many hundreds of things to happen, therefore how could he be a loving kind God.
There have been at least 4 genocides, and others that the definition is not certain yet.
These people presume certain things, because they do not understand who or what God is and how he set up the world to be. God made Adam and Eve equal sharing the paradise of Eden, but we changed that by choosing to do our own thing, and this is effectively what SIN is.
The Choice to do our own thing, ignoring God, ignoring his love ignoring his care, his loneliness as the one who created Human life and all species on the face of the earth.

This choosing to do as we want was part of the free will he created us with, so considering these things, we have no right to BLAME GOD for the messiness we find ourselves in, because generation upon generation has managed to mess things up quite well on each ones watch. So  why should he be required to clear things up stop things happening. Go against the free will every person should have.

There is a saying you made your bed, now lie in it, BUT the Most Beautiful thing is that he (God) chose to reveal his son in flesh to die for us on a cross, so that we could FREELY CHOOSE to say YES to God and learn to live the life that was originally meant way back in time before Adam and Eve chose to go their own way. This is the biggest gift of all. Freely given and available to every human being on this planet.

So disliking what God has or has not done, is not really the issue. The real truth is that people think they know better and are cynical, because of bad experiences or what they perceive the Christian World to be in its many forms. Yes, there have been bad things going on within many denominations.
BUT SO many people of science and art in the past had a faith and knowledge of God that allowed science to progress, and God as the Greatest Scientist and Inventor of all has been sending down technology ideas for us to receive, probably forever. Eternity would be very boring if he did not have anything to do.

51,autism and the future part 2

I spent 25 years of my life alternating between jobs I could not maintain as well as unemployment, and could not understand why I struggled to cope when Jobs got too much.
The question I mentioned in the previous post, was asked genuinely, even kindly in its way, but it is the same question asked, the answer ignored, which required that I know what I was up against.
The silly suggestions from professionals oblivious to the obvious difficulties I presented, at least obvious to me, the also obvious dismissal of my case because " They saw me as awkward, uncooperative, resistant to authority"

The times when I made suggestions were few and far between because, eventually I lost trust and the ability to cooperate, because they would say so much or so many things that I lost them before they had hardly started.

I could have done with having a diagnosis maybe 15 or 20 years earlier, but I am glad I had the diagnosis in the end.

The short answer is a resounding YES, the longer answer would be the size of a book, maybe even 2 or 3 books full of everything I have experienced both good and the not so good, or the downright bad.

I was never being truly awkward, my lack of cooperation was a lack of understanding or confusion because I missed words or context or expectation of those addressing me, also I was never truly resistant to authority, unless I was confused, did not understand context or expectation. This happened often and was tiring, upsetting and highly stressful, mainly as I was viewed as "normal" a word I only use with an explaination now.

Who can see inside someone know what is going on. Noone can even less those of us with Autism, and yet people look at me and what they see does not match autism, but I know I do match autism not in an extreme way like some with autism, but I avoid supermarkets, during noisy times. I have never been to the first week of the january sales in my life, my idea of a nightmare. I have not been away on a holiday since 2001, because the stress of coping with such a thing became more than I could cope with.

51, autism and the future

Autism has been my companion all my life, even when I did not know it or understand it. Sometimes I  did not like it, sometimes I hated the way it made me feel. I did not understand that it was those around me that made me feel these things. I knew that life was easier when I did not need to try and integrate into the norms of of social expectations, and yet there were times when it was sad and a little depressing that I found making and keeping friends so hard.

Someone once asked me if having a diagnosis of autism helped, unfortunetly I was so surprised and caught off guard, and also in a large group of people, that I did not give a very full or clear answer.
But a few years along the way from that experience, I have an answer to that question.
I needed to know because if I had not found out, my life would not have been worth living, as it was, even with Jesus in my life, the quality of my existence was deminishing very rapidly at that point.

I was still in recovery from illness, after pancreatitis due to gall stones and an operation to sort that out. I returned to the job I had been doing, but could not cope as I did not feel fully recovered and the job had changed in the period I was away. My behavouir during this period was dangerous with me taking flight on several ocassions . Symptoms  I now realise are related to P.T.S.D, from long term exposure to ongoing trauma. A fact I only became aware of in 2016. The journey of discovery of who  I am and have life has affected me, is still ongoing.

I have certain level of freedom from talking to someone, but there is still work to be done.
I needed to know so that I could learn to live, so I could have the very basic expectations that most other people expect as thier right, but are not freely available or totally accessible.

The sadness and suffering of a South American nation

When I first started hearing about problems in this country. The lack of money to pay for medication and the decent into famine. I had the feeling that it would not end well.
This is not the fault of those protesting. They are the young people who see the way the Government has behaved and the extreme corruption that has placed this nation on the threshold of where it now stands, and they are trying to change it.
This country has become a dictatorship in all but name, and whatever happens this week will not change that.
To blame the resistance for the problems this country now faces, is untrue, and lies at best.
How long are people to suffer and be made to suffer and treated as worthless. They will rise up and they will fight for the truth and they should do so.

When the government and army are running scared they show their true colours. Rather than denying that they have done anything wrong they should stand up and be counted, admit that they did wrong and try to sort it out. But instead they get nastier and nastier and crueller in their intent. It is the government that is killing the nation, not the people who are fighting for it to change.

Changing the constitution of the country will not change anything because it is corruption and greed of ignorant pompous fools who have mis managed the country's economy.
People are not stupid or fools themselves and they have maybe worked out what is happening. I am certain  that the educated and the cleverest have worked this out.

The minister of food could have done with is face slapped blaming the resistance for the problems they now face. What is going on now is the outcome of what was done illegally and without thought of where it would lead, by people who probably did not care.

Well they need to care now, rather than blame some groups of disperite young people who would rather die than "live" in the world that these "Adults" have left for them.
These adults may not have a clue of how to put it right, and more riots would happen if they did own up and say  they were wrong. But maybe there would be a grain of hope that the people would be able to see light at the end of the tunnel. A possibility absent right now

Things have changed with this Blog

This is a new place to write, a place to say what I think about the world around me and How I am relating to my faith and to Jesus.
On Tuesday I do no 7 of 8 sessions with DR. A.R and I am feeling good about having offloaded a tonne of stuff that I have never told anyone about or had anyone to talk too about any of it.
There is plenty to remember, but plenty to talk about and leave behind. I always had Jesus to talk to and I spent many hours in my life, doing that, but no one knew all this stuff on the ground in the natural, and I feel like the information is out and I can let it go and move on. The last 11 months have been some of the most difficult in my life, having to deal with the ESA50, both for me and for Mum who was the person, as my companion and carer had to cope with all the extra work it involved, as well as seeing me distressed with the arrival of letters from DWP. The first one arriving in August 2016 and the difficult and sometimes painful, but all the time stressful process that lead to me off loading and dealing with these things. I never hide from the hard stuff in my life, but I did not really tell anyone about any of it either.
Being alone with the things I was carrying made life all the harder and more difficult than it needed to be.
Moving on was never possible before because the problems kept coming back and reminding me of the past.
I was never able to fully fulfil my call from God because I was battling the things on my back and the things that other people placed on me.
Dreams are in God's heart for me and I want to achieve them for him and with him for the rest of my days. 

Questions, P.T.S.D and the past Part 4 - Fear of the Jobcentre

The heartache and disappointment of years without help in my life on a human level, and the trauma of people being unkind to me whether they knew it or not is not the issue. The fact is that because I had autism when I was born, I have not had the ability to shake off some things that may not bother other people.
But there are other things that happened to me and were never addressed.
The Journey from August 2016 has been traumatic in many respects, but it has revealed the problems with P.T.S.D, and the bringing up of long held memories, as well as memories I should still have but have forgotten or pushed down.
Before I left school I had an awful careers interview with the careers teacher, and every visit to the Job centre there after was a painful, traumatic experience, which I never refused to put myself through, because it never occurred to me that I should. As a person on the A.S.D spectrum rules and laws are to be followed, even at the expense of my psychological well being, and so it has been for every job centre, work related issue for the whole of my life.
When I left the any Job centre, I would be pleased if all I had was to look at some jobs, but I rarely and maybe never had a truly positive experience even with some disability advisers, who said things to me that left me feeling down trodden and  as abused as I was throughout school.
Because of the ESA50  in all its parts, things about my life have been revealed. The trauma of the past has been revealed and I am now having help.
All these experiences have made me understand after 10 years on E.S.A without the demands of a Job or going to the job centre, I have realised that I have a deep fear of the Job centre going right back to just before I left school in the early 1980's, I never really wanted to go, but because I needed the money, and could not give a reason for feeling as I did, I had to go.
I realise looking back that I felt fear every time I went to any job centre and when Jobs or Government schemes came to an end, either because I had had one of my numerous breakdowns or the schemes were coming to an end. As I knew I would have to go through the same process, the same disappointment when promises of Jobs I could do never appeared and I found jobs that I could never maintain.
This is how I feel about putting myself through anything to do with the Job centre, and I think it would be dangerous to try, especially at this time because of the revealed P.T.S.D., the source of which  being an ASD which started in the womb and continued as a child long before I ever thought about a Job centre.