After the 16th July, I am learning how to love. To feel love and experience the pain of loss, and the Glory of a God, who would send his son to die for me. I believed that love existed at some level in all parts my home life, but I always found it difficult to love and cuddles, either from people or from Jesus, and found it difficult to maintain the kind of relationship that I saw other people had. This is not to say I did not love Jesus. I did love him because I needed him to survive this world, and the traumas of living in a world where you feel confused by other people and the attitudes they have towards you.
I struggled and strived to be what people wanted because I didn't want to let people down or disappoint them. I wanted to my best, because I was a person of integrity, all the while believing as much as I could in the person of Jesus. I was told that Jesus loved me, and it was a heart thing, but it was a struggle because I did not know, the things I now know.
I have always been in Love with Jesus but because of my disabilities, I found it hard to express this to the wider world. I felt the separation and loneliness of no friends on the ground, but I had the friendship of Jesus.
I always wanted to know him, and walk with him. I am learning to love Jesus, the way I loved Sassy, but the love I now feel is frustrated because I don't know how to use it. (Tears) in a moment of time my life was Changed. I will never be the same.
No comments:
Post a Comment