The garden is beginning to grow. This year things are under control, probably for the first time in 10 years. I mentioned in an earlier entry that I graduated from University in 1998, and a year later my Dad died of a Brian Tumour. I think it has taken all this time for me to reach a place where I feel like I did before that happened. When he was gone the protection he provided me, was gone and I was exposed to the world. Mum was coping with loosing dad, and what that meant for her, for us both was a tremendous adjustment. Dad had helped me with my computer and knew alot more about computer than we do.
I remember one of the lecturers on my course complimenting one of my essays and said I should go and study to phd level. It was a nice compliment, but it took all the time I had to just maintain doing the first degree, and as things stood in late 1999, I could not have continued anyhow.
There were other job failures, which were the failures of people employing me being unkind and maybe even neglegient. I always tried so hard to do the right thing and be a good employee, but stresses were always there because people did not listen, and they messed me around.
One of the "helpful"gentlemen at the Job centre in Newport, said I did not really want to work and that he could not help me(given in stronger terms). It hurt at the time, because I knew that I did want to work but there was no point in doing jobs where I was set up to fail and the very great distress which that caused me. Being put in positions where I could not cope, because I was asked to achieve tasks in a certain time and take verbal instructions. Unless you have been through these things and have my kind of Aspergers Syndrome, you will never understand what these things are like. It is Ok for the people dealing with me at one point in time but the consequences of thier attitudes and comments last alot longer in the mind and it is hard to forget the feelings you are left with, even if you are not thinking about the actual events.
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