As a person on the Autism Spectrum, I have had friends, but those friendships ended in difficult ways mostly. All of them before I the autism diagnosis. The ongoing problem is I find it difficult to start new friendships that go anywhere because I fear the pain of Breakup or loss. I also find that people don't make the effort to be a friend, unless they can see past what autism is in my life and there are people who can do this and see my gifting in some areas, but day to day, I am left alone with Mum and one year melds into another, having been to meetings to do with issues around autism, gatherings with family, gatherings in homes for teaching with other people who love Jesus, but these are infrequent and large parts of life are lonely.
Since 2004 when I had pancreatits due to gallstones( This was a traumatic time in my life), which is 2 years before we met all the people we now relate to now. They did not know me before 2004, and I am still feeling the effects of that time in some areas of my life.
I am not really bothered about what people think of me anymore, because I am just as much a part of the kingdom of heaven as anyone else is, but I do feel abandoned sometimes.
I know the HofH are around me, but I have to learn how to interact in new ways.
I truly love those people around me, that is why I make cards for people on their birthdays, and try my hardest to be the best I can at gatherings. The effort it takes to attend, the big gatherings/conferences is not obvious to anyone looking on, but I do find them tiring, because I have to deal with the unknown and people who do not know me or what I am dealing with personally. This has been the more so, since diagnosis of type 2 diabetes and a blood disease where I make too many red blood cells and have to have blood taken every 3 months, so I have to visit the hospital every 3 months, which I absolutely hate.
This is why I feel alone and not cared for, and this is not helped by the fact that, alot of the people whom I relate also have ongoing health problems or family who have, so it would be difficult to give me their time for that reason.
I want to show my love and care to those around me, but knowing how to do this appropriately can be the crux of the problem, so rather than do or say the wrong thing, I do or say nothing and that is hard, because that is a kind of ongoing suffering that no human being seems to recognise or understand. It is also difficult to explain. So I remain in my relationship with Jesus and I walk the paths with him,knowing that that suffering is doing something in me but it is not nice.
Since 2004 when I had pancreatits due to gallstones( This was a traumatic time in my life), which is 2 years before we met all the people we now relate to now. They did not know me before 2004, and I am still feeling the effects of that time in some areas of my life.
I am not really bothered about what people think of me anymore, because I am just as much a part of the kingdom of heaven as anyone else is, but I do feel abandoned sometimes.
I know the HofH are around me, but I have to learn how to interact in new ways.
I truly love those people around me, that is why I make cards for people on their birthdays, and try my hardest to be the best I can at gatherings. The effort it takes to attend, the big gatherings/conferences is not obvious to anyone looking on, but I do find them tiring, because I have to deal with the unknown and people who do not know me or what I am dealing with personally. This has been the more so, since diagnosis of type 2 diabetes and a blood disease where I make too many red blood cells and have to have blood taken every 3 months, so I have to visit the hospital every 3 months, which I absolutely hate.
This is why I feel alone and not cared for, and this is not helped by the fact that, alot of the people whom I relate also have ongoing health problems or family who have, so it would be difficult to give me their time for that reason.
I want to show my love and care to those around me, but knowing how to do this appropriately can be the crux of the problem, so rather than do or say the wrong thing, I do or say nothing and that is hard, because that is a kind of ongoing suffering that no human being seems to recognise or understand. It is also difficult to explain. So I remain in my relationship with Jesus and I walk the paths with him,knowing that that suffering is doing something in me but it is not nice.
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