My walk with Jesus from day one was always about him, and not me, although I found difficulty in expressing this many times over the years. I never wanted the Big Ministry, because I knew in the deepest place that this was not what it was about, also I had trouble putting this across.
I was needy and vulnerable, but I always wanted what God wanted in my life, and it pained me when people said things which indicated I was looking for something more. I have always had parts of my life where I was disabled, but because of intelligence and other things, that research has found out about us girls on the autism spectrum. We, not surprisingly, don't act the same as boys on the spectrum. So the result of my education was someone who struggled to please, felt uncared for, but melded into the back ground. Perhaps more so after giving my heart to Jesus.
Looking back at the tough times, I can see the grace that held me so gently, even when I did not recognise it.
2015 has been a difficult year, because of health and the ongoing process of deciding whether to go ahead with Chemo tablets for the blood problem I have.
But I have had the best experience of love from Papa God, this year, I feel tired so easily and life can easily get on top of me, if I don't choose to live in the moment.
My Identity is firmly rooted in Jesus and my heart beat is for him, success has bee in my life and the journey from second class to first class has been a long one, again with the grace of God evident. His love, is my love and his heart beat is my heart beat. I don't go out and preach to the world, but my heart beats and burns for the land, because Papa God's heart beats and burns for the land.
I will be 49 this year and I choose to live in the moment, to love what I have and enjoy what I have been given, as gifts and as the person God made me to be.
The lack of understanding, the fears, hopes, lost dreams to be fulfilled from the heart of God for me, no longer matter so much to me, as when the time is right these things will come to pass, because I know his love, because I have felt his love, so gentle and kind, so beautiful and tender. All the things I needed he has given me, he has drawn me into him. I see the world around me in a new way, with a compassion of God's heart. I don't know how I will do these things, but I know now that he will help me do them, because my identity is not of this reality, it is of another place. The place where love resides.
I was needy and vulnerable, but I always wanted what God wanted in my life, and it pained me when people said things which indicated I was looking for something more. I have always had parts of my life where I was disabled, but because of intelligence and other things, that research has found out about us girls on the autism spectrum. We, not surprisingly, don't act the same as boys on the spectrum. So the result of my education was someone who struggled to please, felt uncared for, but melded into the back ground. Perhaps more so after giving my heart to Jesus.
Looking back at the tough times, I can see the grace that held me so gently, even when I did not recognise it.
2015 has been a difficult year, because of health and the ongoing process of deciding whether to go ahead with Chemo tablets for the blood problem I have.
But I have had the best experience of love from Papa God, this year, I feel tired so easily and life can easily get on top of me, if I don't choose to live in the moment.
My Identity is firmly rooted in Jesus and my heart beat is for him, success has bee in my life and the journey from second class to first class has been a long one, again with the grace of God evident. His love, is my love and his heart beat is my heart beat. I don't go out and preach to the world, but my heart beats and burns for the land, because Papa God's heart beats and burns for the land.
I will be 49 this year and I choose to live in the moment, to love what I have and enjoy what I have been given, as gifts and as the person God made me to be.
The lack of understanding, the fears, hopes, lost dreams to be fulfilled from the heart of God for me, no longer matter so much to me, as when the time is right these things will come to pass, because I know his love, because I have felt his love, so gentle and kind, so beautiful and tender. All the things I needed he has given me, he has drawn me into him. I see the world around me in a new way, with a compassion of God's heart. I don't know how I will do these things, but I know now that he will help me do them, because my identity is not of this reality, it is of another place. The place where love resides.
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