I went up the Cynon Valley yesterday (22nd March 2012) and I looked up to the farm where we lived as a family until 1990. I spent many hours praying for Wales, north,south,east and west. During those days a deep love was born in me for the land, I held dreams and visions in my heart placed there by Papa God.
I prayed for the best for Wales, words that touched the deepest part of me, drawing tears over the sad and the glad of Wales.
My life has not turned out as I expected all those years ago, but I am humbled by the things I have seen and experienced personally over the last 2 to 3 years. I am not just me, I am me with Jesus in me, what does that mean in regard to my destiny, well it is not about me as I am here, flesh and blood, it is about me as I am in the realm of the Spirit (heaven).
The truth is I never desired notariety or fame, I just desired to do Papa's will, my destiny is the one he put inside me, the desires of my heart have always been to be as he wants me to be, so if what I am doing now is what it is going to be for the rest of my life then so be it. I know there are adventures ahead and I will see interesting things as I choose to go lower and deeper into him. I have been lower for most of my life, being bullied, mistreated by teachers. I felt the joy of recognition, because I had spent most of my life feeling second class and worthless, the journey to feeling worth something has been a long one, with seeds planted in the 1980s, as I poured out my heart to heaven for the land of Wales, with Jesus holding my hand.
My Christian life then was no effort I did as felt was right and lived with heaven closely then, but moving to Newport changed that. I forgot how to live effortlessly with him and I still feel sad about what I lost when we had to move from the Farm because my earthly dad had severe chronic illness.
I drunk from the river effortlessly then, I need to learn this again.
Help me to find a deeper place with you Jesus, a place of unending love, a place of unending joy.
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