I DON'T ENJOY BEING AUTISTIC, I HAVE HAD TO LEARN TO ACCEPT IT, AND WHY ANYONE WOULD THINK I ENJOY IT AND WOULD BE INSENSITIVE ENOUGH TO SAY IT.
I SPENT MANY HOURS PRAYING FOR HEALING AND THEN I AM TOLD I DON'T WANT HEALING, I HAVE SHARED OFTEN WITH THIS PERSON THAT I AM HAPPY FOR GOD TO HEAL ME IF HE WANTS TO, BUT I AM LEAVING IT TO HIM BECAUSE I WASTED MANY HOURS IN MY LIFE ASKING GOD FOR HEALING AND NOT BEING PRESENT IN THE NOW.
IT CONSUMED ME BECAUSE PEOPLE KEPT ON SAYING ABOUT HEALING, AS IF I HAD NOT CONSIDERED IT MYSELF, I WAS RESPONDING TO HOW THE WORLD OUTSIDE THE HOME AND SOMETIMES INSIDE THE HOME.
ALSO ALONG THE WAY I HAVE HAD WORDS INTO MY HEART WHERE I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS GOING TO DO GOD'S WILL AS I AM WITH AUTISM.
THERE HAS ALSO BEEN TEACHING FROM IAN CLAYTON/JUSTIN ABRAHAM THAT SUGGESTS I WAS ALONG THE RIGHT LINES AND HEARING THE HOLY SPIRIT SPEAKING TRUTH FOR ME, BUT I AM OPEN TO THAT CHANGING.
I DID NOT JUST DECIDE TO NOT PURSUE HEALING, OR EVEN SAY I DID NOT WANT HEALING, AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD SAY THAT GIVEN HOW MANY CONVERSATIONS I HAVE HAD WITH THIS PERSON.
I JUST FEEL THAT THE DIFFICULTIES I HAVE ARE MANIPULATED AGAINST ME IN SCENARIOS LIKE WE HAD YESTERDAY (NIGHT OF 30th JUNE 2016).
ALSO MY ENJOYMENT OF MAKING STUFF IS GRADUALLY BEING WORN AWAY BY CONTINUOUS ONGOING NAGGING ABOUT HOW MUCH I AM BUYING. I FEEL I AM NAGGED AT LEAST 3 OR 4 TIMES SOME WEEKS ABOUT SOMETHING, AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE OPEN OR HONEST ABOUT HOW FEEL ABOUT MY LIFE, BECAUSE EITHER I UPSET THIS PERSON BY DOING SO OR SHE COMPARES IT TO HER LIFE AND HOW SHE IS FEELING AND WE ARE SO DIFFERENT IN THE WAYS WE SEE THE WORLD WE EACH LIVE IN AND I DON'T FEEL FREE TO SAY WHAT I WANT, WHEN PERHAPS I MAY WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT, WHICH MAY NOT BE OFTEN, BUT I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE LIKE HER I AM FRIGHTENED TO SAY.
I SPENT MANY HOURS PRAYING FOR HEALING AND THEN I AM TOLD I DON'T WANT HEALING, I HAVE SHARED OFTEN WITH THIS PERSON THAT I AM HAPPY FOR GOD TO HEAL ME IF HE WANTS TO, BUT I AM LEAVING IT TO HIM BECAUSE I WASTED MANY HOURS IN MY LIFE ASKING GOD FOR HEALING AND NOT BEING PRESENT IN THE NOW.
IT CONSUMED ME BECAUSE PEOPLE KEPT ON SAYING ABOUT HEALING, AS IF I HAD NOT CONSIDERED IT MYSELF, I WAS RESPONDING TO HOW THE WORLD OUTSIDE THE HOME AND SOMETIMES INSIDE THE HOME.
ALSO ALONG THE WAY I HAVE HAD WORDS INTO MY HEART WHERE I WAS TOLD THAT I WAS GOING TO DO GOD'S WILL AS I AM WITH AUTISM.
THERE HAS ALSO BEEN TEACHING FROM IAN CLAYTON/JUSTIN ABRAHAM THAT SUGGESTS I WAS ALONG THE RIGHT LINES AND HEARING THE HOLY SPIRIT SPEAKING TRUTH FOR ME, BUT I AM OPEN TO THAT CHANGING.
I DID NOT JUST DECIDE TO NOT PURSUE HEALING, OR EVEN SAY I DID NOT WANT HEALING, AND I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT SOMEONE WOULD SAY THAT GIVEN HOW MANY CONVERSATIONS I HAVE HAD WITH THIS PERSON.
I JUST FEEL THAT THE DIFFICULTIES I HAVE ARE MANIPULATED AGAINST ME IN SCENARIOS LIKE WE HAD YESTERDAY (NIGHT OF 30th JUNE 2016).
ALSO MY ENJOYMENT OF MAKING STUFF IS GRADUALLY BEING WORN AWAY BY CONTINUOUS ONGOING NAGGING ABOUT HOW MUCH I AM BUYING. I FEEL I AM NAGGED AT LEAST 3 OR 4 TIMES SOME WEEKS ABOUT SOMETHING, AND I AM NOT ALLOWED TO BE OPEN OR HONEST ABOUT HOW FEEL ABOUT MY LIFE, BECAUSE EITHER I UPSET THIS PERSON BY DOING SO OR SHE COMPARES IT TO HER LIFE AND HOW SHE IS FEELING AND WE ARE SO DIFFERENT IN THE WAYS WE SEE THE WORLD WE EACH LIVE IN AND I DON'T FEEL FREE TO SAY WHAT I WANT, WHEN PERHAPS I MAY WANT SOMETHING DIFFERENT, WHICH MAY NOT BE OFTEN, BUT I DON'T KNOW BECAUSE LIKE HER I AM FRIGHTENED TO SAY.
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