Hopes and dreams have died and risen again, disappointments have come and gone with a repetitive frequency greater than the average I suspect, But always there was Jesus. The Bible says you will have troubles in this world, so that is what I accepted would be, because I had no measure as a child of what I was worth or what I should expect as treatment from those around. I think looking back I did not value myself very highly, because I was not meeting the demands required of me, and mostly felt incapable of doing so, but had great trouble in expressing this to anyone, so never did, even if I had realised or understood that doing so may have been possible.
Of course as I had experiences that were good as an adult, like going to further education college and then later Universtiy. These experiences brought the many negative aspects of the past, as well as the ongoing into sharp focus, because I realised that I was not stupid, that I could prove to myself and all the people who had been nasty or unkind to me, with or without knowledge that I was not defined by the way I was treated, BUT I was damaged by the continuous onslaught of people's wrong judgements about behaviour.
It is hard for anyone to understand what it is like to be viewed by others, where you feel like they see you from the outside and have no clue what is going on in the inside.
ALL my experiences of Careers /Job centre interviews have have been bad, but for a short period with one disability advisor, but even she could not stop some of the front line staff doing things that were on the computer not to do.
Looking back it was a nightmare and this revelation after the ESA50 experience, is why I am refusing to go to the Job centre because I now realise what it was like for me and how stressful and upsetting it was, especially after Dad died because he had been the one to come with me, and again for a short time I went on my own. But it is during this time that I had a problem with the bus turning up, it didn't so I had to wait.
I was then late, and had to run from the old bus station in Newport, to the job centre, about 1/4 to 1/2 mile.
I was probably 2 mins for my late 2.00pm appointment to sign on and they said because I had missed my slot I would have wait for 4-00 pm. I tried to explain that the bus had not come on time, but they virtually pushed me out the door and would not let me in, I was upset and in tears, as I was always close to extreme emotion, so I rang mum and she contacted the nice Disability Advisor who sorted out for me to be let in earlier, I don't remember if it was the same day, but I think it was the person seeing me that day said her son had the same as me and was able to work, this would have been after my ASD diagnosis.So after that Mum attended with me, and made sure all was OK. I realise no one likes going to the Job centre, BUT for me it is beyond liking or disliking, it is a place that the thought of scares me right now and putting myself in a place where I am open to abuse, would be considered stupid, by anyone with any sense, I have found my sense at last and I refuse to lay myself open to the possibility, because all the wonderful ideas and good intentions of government bodies have to be proved to be true before I will go and expereince the Job centre again.
Of course as I had experiences that were good as an adult, like going to further education college and then later Universtiy. These experiences brought the many negative aspects of the past, as well as the ongoing into sharp focus, because I realised that I was not stupid, that I could prove to myself and all the people who had been nasty or unkind to me, with or without knowledge that I was not defined by the way I was treated, BUT I was damaged by the continuous onslaught of people's wrong judgements about behaviour.
It is hard for anyone to understand what it is like to be viewed by others, where you feel like they see you from the outside and have no clue what is going on in the inside.
ALL my experiences of Careers /Job centre interviews have have been bad, but for a short period with one disability advisor, but even she could not stop some of the front line staff doing things that were on the computer not to do.
Looking back it was a nightmare and this revelation after the ESA50 experience, is why I am refusing to go to the Job centre because I now realise what it was like for me and how stressful and upsetting it was, especially after Dad died because he had been the one to come with me, and again for a short time I went on my own. But it is during this time that I had a problem with the bus turning up, it didn't so I had to wait.
I was then late, and had to run from the old bus station in Newport, to the job centre, about 1/4 to 1/2 mile.
I was probably 2 mins for my late 2.00pm appointment to sign on and they said because I had missed my slot I would have wait for 4-00 pm. I tried to explain that the bus had not come on time, but they virtually pushed me out the door and would not let me in, I was upset and in tears, as I was always close to extreme emotion, so I rang mum and she contacted the nice Disability Advisor who sorted out for me to be let in earlier, I don't remember if it was the same day, but I think it was the person seeing me that day said her son had the same as me and was able to work, this would have been after my ASD diagnosis.So after that Mum attended with me, and made sure all was OK. I realise no one likes going to the Job centre, BUT for me it is beyond liking or disliking, it is a place that the thought of scares me right now and putting myself in a place where I am open to abuse, would be considered stupid, by anyone with any sense, I have found my sense at last and I refuse to lay myself open to the possibility, because all the wonderful ideas and good intentions of government bodies have to be proved to be true before I will go and expereince the Job centre again.
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