One dream I held for many years was to go to university, which I did nearly 18 years ago now. Time is disappearing at an alarming rate. I see the signs of the times and I hear what people say but they are doing thier dreams. The dreams I had as a child have changed, but I am not sure what they have changed into and on a certain level the dreams I had feel lost.
I have not moved through life in a traditional way, and whilst I am very grateful that I don't have the kind of issues my peers would have, such as the people I went to uni with. The issues I have are different. To have my spirit hugged by Jesus twice has been wonderful, but this and other things has made the present harder to deal with, and although I stoically continue, my heart aches for something more. The goal is to love Jesus and do his will, to walk low to walk high, but in my heart of hearts, in all honesty I don't know if I do that, or if I am proud and don't walk with humility.The way I see things I have walked humbly with Jesus all my life.
My lack of evidence of service is not because I don't desire to serve,it is that I don't feel I have the ability to serve. I have never sort out fame or noteriety, as something "Iwanted to do". It was the dreams placed in my heart by Jesus always. Now I have the chance to start doing things, but I feel less than capable.But I also know that I can do "all things because Jesus strengthens me"
If I am alone because that is better for me now, I have to trust Papa and his plan for my life and just swim out into the deep water of his love and trust that he will support me and give me all I need to thrive in the days ahead. I have a view of a little of what is coming, and there is so much more to come.
If I am truly honest it has been my desire to be a woman on the frontline and to do great exploits with heaven, but I have allowed men/women to govern how life progressed for me, and at times I have struggled with this aspect of my life, but I am doing my journey and I have to find out how that journey goes from now on. The time for struggle is ended and I need to be who Papa created me to be and do the things he has asked me to do, especially as I now have a friend to do it with at least in part.
Papa's dreams for me are what I need to know and difficult times of the last three years are past. Undoubtedly there will be times where life is difficult or hard but I need to change my veiwpoint and see things from heaven's perspective.I will face the music and dance.
I have not moved through life in a traditional way, and whilst I am very grateful that I don't have the kind of issues my peers would have, such as the people I went to uni with. The issues I have are different. To have my spirit hugged by Jesus twice has been wonderful, but this and other things has made the present harder to deal with, and although I stoically continue, my heart aches for something more. The goal is to love Jesus and do his will, to walk low to walk high, but in my heart of hearts, in all honesty I don't know if I do that, or if I am proud and don't walk with humility.The way I see things I have walked humbly with Jesus all my life.
My lack of evidence of service is not because I don't desire to serve,it is that I don't feel I have the ability to serve. I have never sort out fame or noteriety, as something "Iwanted to do". It was the dreams placed in my heart by Jesus always. Now I have the chance to start doing things, but I feel less than capable.But I also know that I can do "all things because Jesus strengthens me"
If I am alone because that is better for me now, I have to trust Papa and his plan for my life and just swim out into the deep water of his love and trust that he will support me and give me all I need to thrive in the days ahead. I have a view of a little of what is coming, and there is so much more to come.
If I am truly honest it has been my desire to be a woman on the frontline and to do great exploits with heaven, but I have allowed men/women to govern how life progressed for me, and at times I have struggled with this aspect of my life, but I am doing my journey and I have to find out how that journey goes from now on. The time for struggle is ended and I need to be who Papa created me to be and do the things he has asked me to do, especially as I now have a friend to do it with at least in part.
Papa's dreams for me are what I need to know and difficult times of the last three years are past. Undoubtedly there will be times where life is difficult or hard but I need to change my veiwpoint and see things from heaven's perspective.I will face the music and dance.
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