For 3 decades I have held the picture of me in the future, on a stage with a microphone in my hand, a supernatural experience I had in 1987, and which I share with my mum who had the same picture about me in 1987, People have said that the things I am doing in relation to autism campaigning etc are a fulfillment of this picture. But I can still remember how it felt, and I have not come to the experience of how that felt, so I am still holding that picture in my heart. Also That Picture plus another one I have had within the last 2 months, the two are joining together and beginning mingle, why I am feeling the way I do. This is why I am feeling more certain that picture from 30 years ago.
It is one of my dreams to see this fulfilled.
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My next dream/desire is to achieve maturity in the kingdom, and the way that I.C most often teaches is taking another person through the journey into the mystery of the walk with G-d, but I always struggle because I know I am not ready for that yet but, I cannot even see the possibility in my life, because I don't socialise very easily and when I do I just sit in rooms full of people, and I never have a conversation, because I have difficulty that way.
I also feel whether, this is a lie from the enemy making me have false thoughts, which I think is the case. I feel that because I don't pursue healing for Aspergers, and make an effort to change that I have been left to get on with it, especially, Most people around me in COBH don't know I am on the spectrum and I often feel isolated in the group, but I feel called to COBH, but it costs me to go to the meetings as I often feel this way, but I cope with it with Jesus Help.
How am I ever going to get to maturity if I have to struggle with coping with meetings, and with feeling Isolated when I need friendship, but don't know how to get it anymore. I rest with Jesus who is my biggest closest friend, but I really desire someone who is friend that I can discuss with the things that I find I difficult in life.
This has nothing to do with being alone, or not having any one notice if I was gone. I don't mind being alone with my own company. It is more some one who has the time to get to know me and I get to know them,
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The situation I find myself in this last couple of months is to do with some change that is happening in me and I have felt vulnerable, since Mum and I went for a meal with Peta Condon (Aus)in June 2014. Infact this may be the reason why I am having a difficult time. It actually feels like a butterfly that is struggling to emerge, after being a caterpillar. That I am changing and I feel tender because I am being changed in quite a radical way. I am not sure what the result will be like but I know it will be different
*******************************
It is one of my dreams to see this fulfilled.
******************************
My next dream/desire is to achieve maturity in the kingdom, and the way that I.C most often teaches is taking another person through the journey into the mystery of the walk with G-d, but I always struggle because I know I am not ready for that yet but, I cannot even see the possibility in my life, because I don't socialise very easily and when I do I just sit in rooms full of people, and I never have a conversation, because I have difficulty that way.
I also feel whether, this is a lie from the enemy making me have false thoughts, which I think is the case. I feel that because I don't pursue healing for Aspergers, and make an effort to change that I have been left to get on with it, especially, Most people around me in COBH don't know I am on the spectrum and I often feel isolated in the group, but I feel called to COBH, but it costs me to go to the meetings as I often feel this way, but I cope with it with Jesus Help.
How am I ever going to get to maturity if I have to struggle with coping with meetings, and with feeling Isolated when I need friendship, but don't know how to get it anymore. I rest with Jesus who is my biggest closest friend, but I really desire someone who is friend that I can discuss with the things that I find I difficult in life.
This has nothing to do with being alone, or not having any one notice if I was gone. I don't mind being alone with my own company. It is more some one who has the time to get to know me and I get to know them,
*******************************
The situation I find myself in this last couple of months is to do with some change that is happening in me and I have felt vulnerable, since Mum and I went for a meal with Peta Condon (Aus)in June 2014. Infact this may be the reason why I am having a difficult time. It actually feels like a butterfly that is struggling to emerge, after being a caterpillar. That I am changing and I feel tender because I am being changed in quite a radical way. I am not sure what the result will be like but I know it will be different
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