2013/2014 have been difficult because of health. I have blood that produces to many red blood cells, which meant that I had to have a pint of blood taken this summer as therapy. This was stressful because in 2004 I had pancreatitis due to gallstones and was in hospital for ten days on drips etc not of which was easy.
Then July 2014 I was found to have type 2 diabetes. Both these require 3 monthly blood tests, which is stressful for someone who does not like needles and has autism. Also because I was not diagnosed with Autism at the time of my hospital stay I found that it has left me with a kind of post trauma stress thing that adds to my difficulties when coping with all this. Also I often don't feel really well, and I do sometimes wonder because my auntie heather died of myloma in sept 2013. I am not accepting that this will be the same for me, but I still wonder in the back of my mind sometimes.
I want to make the best use of my life that I can, inside my mind but the life I lead does not seem satisfactory and feels like I am wasting time at some level, and yet I struggle to do even the basic, plus mum feels that I don't do enough to help around the house, so I feel guilty for not helping which does cause friction, especially when we are both stressed, although this happens less, I have to live in a clutter around the house that I cannot change because Mum won't let me help, so I retreat to my craft and writting
Forced change has meant we don't have a dog, since sassy died in Sept 2010, I used to walk her everyday, but I don't like going out walking on my own now as it hurts to be reminded she is gone, but walking has been difficult since I had insect bites in July 2011 or 12, that made an existing achilles tendon injury flare up and has caused alot of pain and wieght gain, that lead to the type 2 diabetes???
Life has been difficult and in many ways full of Forced change for me since the beginning of the 2000's, but the last few months have been spiritual forced change and I think that this is why I am going through a difficult patch is because forced change is happening, right now in my life.
Even loosing my Job in 2005, and having a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, although good in it's outcome was a type of forced change that was a transition psychologically that I am still coping with because of everything that is going on with Benefit changes in the natural and being in the position of not having the availability of jobs suitable for me in 2005/2006. So even if I wanted a job, I feel there is less chance now than there was then. Plus it was not my choice to not have a job, the Job centre told me there were none available for my particular needs.
Besides I would need a certain amount of healing both psychologically as the ongoing damage of failure has left its mark, whether my fault or not and physically because of all the above, I don't feel capable of working.
Then July 2014 I was found to have type 2 diabetes. Both these require 3 monthly blood tests, which is stressful for someone who does not like needles and has autism. Also because I was not diagnosed with Autism at the time of my hospital stay I found that it has left me with a kind of post trauma stress thing that adds to my difficulties when coping with all this. Also I often don't feel really well, and I do sometimes wonder because my auntie heather died of myloma in sept 2013. I am not accepting that this will be the same for me, but I still wonder in the back of my mind sometimes.
I want to make the best use of my life that I can, inside my mind but the life I lead does not seem satisfactory and feels like I am wasting time at some level, and yet I struggle to do even the basic, plus mum feels that I don't do enough to help around the house, so I feel guilty for not helping which does cause friction, especially when we are both stressed, although this happens less, I have to live in a clutter around the house that I cannot change because Mum won't let me help, so I retreat to my craft and writting
Forced change has meant we don't have a dog, since sassy died in Sept 2010, I used to walk her everyday, but I don't like going out walking on my own now as it hurts to be reminded she is gone, but walking has been difficult since I had insect bites in July 2011 or 12, that made an existing achilles tendon injury flare up and has caused alot of pain and wieght gain, that lead to the type 2 diabetes???
Life has been difficult and in many ways full of Forced change for me since the beginning of the 2000's, but the last few months have been spiritual forced change and I think that this is why I am going through a difficult patch is because forced change is happening, right now in my life.
Even loosing my Job in 2005, and having a diagnosis of Asperger Syndrome, although good in it's outcome was a type of forced change that was a transition psychologically that I am still coping with because of everything that is going on with Benefit changes in the natural and being in the position of not having the availability of jobs suitable for me in 2005/2006. So even if I wanted a job, I feel there is less chance now than there was then. Plus it was not my choice to not have a job, the Job centre told me there were none available for my particular needs.
Besides I would need a certain amount of healing both psychologically as the ongoing damage of failure has left its mark, whether my fault or not and physically because of all the above, I don't feel capable of working.
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